Pretty girls are everywhere around here!
We already know you're in love with
Daily Grace. We've heard you obsess about
Elizabeth Banks and
Rashida Jones. But we want you to know two more: Riki Lindhome and Kate Micucci, known together as
Garfunkel and Oates.
We'll tell you more about them this Friday, when they star in a new
Wainy Days BONUS music video, but for now just start with this song, "This Party Took A Turn For The Douche."
We knew for sure we had a crush on them when we heard the lyric "I ain't in love with you, cousin! I ain't George Michael Bluth! This party just took a turn... for the douche." Anyone who can reference Jim Croce and
Arrested Development in the same song deserves undying respect, yo.
(L-R: Mitch, Thomas, Jim)
Editor's Note: Today we have guest bloggers! The Worst Generation is our newest series and we thought it might be nice for you to get to know its stars a little more intimately, so here they are:
So, My Damn Channel wants us to do some type of blog thingy to kinda introduce ourselves to the people of the internet. Since we don't have any actual "fan mail" (or even "fans" for that matter), I've ripped off a few questions from a Justin Bieber fan site for us to answer. Answer these bad boys and any other questions you can think of to get this bad boy rollin'.
+++++++++++++++++++
If your house was on fire and you could only take one thing with you what would it be?
- Roxy, 13, Detroit
JIM: Hi Roxy. Thanks for watching. I'd probably have to grab my amazing-incredible-pornography box, a.k.a. my computer. Either that or my collection of Simpsons action figures.
THOMAS: Bauer, he's the only hope any of us have for success. And you're an idiot Jim the question clearly stated one thing that you would take and you clearly listed two.
JIM: I get nervous talking to people from Detroit. She probably just wants to steal our stuff.
MITCH: My depression pills.
Where do you get your best love advice?
- Lonely in Little Rock
MITCH: My dad once told me. "never take home the three legged dog from the pound just because you feel sorry for it." That made since when I was 9 and it still does to this day.
JIM: I've tried it all; tarot cards, gypsy palm readings, fortune cookies, magic 8 balls... and I found the best place for you to get your love advise... is from inside your heart :)
THOMAS: I just watch what Mitch does, and it teaches me exactly what NOT to do as far as love is concerned.
If you could have dinner with 3 people, dead or alive, who would it be?
THOMAS: I don't really care as long as those three people are buying. And it better be some gourmet shit, if I have to go listen to three other people bore me to death I don't want to do it over a Big Mac and fries.
MITCH: Bo Jackson, The Pope, and Dennis Rodman
JIM: Wow Mitch, what are the odds of the Pope even responding to that evite? I'm going with Jenna Jameson, Pamela Anderson and Angelina Jolie. In their primes. Next question.
How does it feel to be mobbed by screaming girls?
JIM: You get used to it.
THOMAS: Feels normal, they've been doing it my whole life.
MITCH: Sometimes, I don't feel worthy of it all. Other times, it gets annoying having to hear all the jibber-jabber that comes along with it.
Describe your dream girl.
MITCH: I hear your dream girl is actually a version of your mother. So probably an annoying old bitch.
JIM: My dream girl is funny, smart, nice smile, pretty eyes, caring of others, and got an ass so big you can see it from the front.
THOMAS: Depends on my mood. And the season.
What would a fan have to do to date you?
THOMAS: Tell me their daddy was Steven Spielberg, Ron Howard, Jerry Bruckheimer or any such type of person, so that I can leave these clowns of TWG behind and get started on my life doing something that is actually worth a shit.
JIM: Be 18 years old and have a vagina. A trust fund wouldn't hurt either.
MITCH: Have you ever heard of a ballcuzzi?
Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
JIM: Hopefully off of unemployment and out of my parents' basement.
MITCH: Cute cottage near the sea with roommates that make me breakfast and flush the toilet once in a while... or unemployed in my parents basement.
THOMAS: Dating Spielberg's daughter.
How do you deal with all the haters out there?
MITCH: I always carry a butterfly knife I got in Baja. Can't hate when you're getting stabbed.
THOMAS: In the words of Tupac: " Fuck it. I feel like I shine. And I don't give a fuck how many white people, the Media, black people, playa haters, police, whoever, try to darken my shine, Im'a always shine through. "
JIM: Uhhhhh wait what?
What would you do if all the fame went away tomorrow?
JIM: If all of this fame was suddenly taken away from me, I'd probably blow my head off.
MITCH: It would be a long way to fall, but I'm sure I could still pull ass so who cares.
THOMAS: Be excited that I'd never have to answer stupid questions like these again. Is this really what you want us to do Jimmy? Whataya' stupid or something?
How would you describe your style?
THOMAS: Lazy
JIM: Oh I dunno, maybe rural-chic with an urban twist.
MITCH: Commando, Ballistic, and Fresh.
How do you maintain such a hot body?
THOMAS: Layers and no AC.
MITCH: Commitment to Excellence.
JIM: More like commitment to purging after every meal. I usually lift like 8 hours a day, 6 days a week.
Editor: Uh, thanks, guys! We'll all be watching you and Bauer every Tuesday at www.MyDamnChannel.com/TheWorstGeneration! And following you on Twitter at @TheWorstGen! And on Facebook at Facebook.com/TheWorstGeneration!
Otherwise we'll be avoiding Mitch and his butterfly knife.
We're premiering a new series tomorrow and this little guy is the star!
We put his picture up on
our Facebook page this morning and as of this writing 29 people have "liked" him and nine different ladies have written some iteration of "AWWWWW. SCHMOOPY. I WANNA HUG HIM AND SQUEEZE HIM AND CALL HIM GEORGE! HE'S SO CUUUUUUUTE!" in the
comments!
This series is going to go over super-well. We can feel it.
As an avid fan of Super Bowl Champions the Green Bay Packers, I've spent much of the last week celebrating by shoveling as many different kinds of cheese down my throat as possible. True, this is how I mostly go about life to begin with, but the cholesterol choking off my arteries and slowly murdering me has been especially festive as of late.
But not everyone was pleased with what went down on their TVs last Sunday. Steelers fans, sure. But music fans also suffered a devastating one-two punch in the forms of Christina Aguilera's freedom-hating National Anthem flub, and the Black Eyed Peas' over-aggressive imperative to "DRANK!" And then there are those weirdoes who only watch the Super Bowl "for the ads." And for these folks there was nothing more controversial and upsetting than Groupon's "save your money"-themed ads skewering celeb activism.
Okay, fair enough. A drunken, sports-obsessed viewing audience and a perhaps too-subtle bit of Swiftian satire do not the perfect marriage make. But if you're looking to be shocked, angered, and perplexed by advertising, these videos remain the gold standard...
First, we have this
cute lil' nightmare factory from famed Japanese artist Takashi Murakami.
What is Inochi-Kun? My best guess is ceaseless, unending horror. Don't even think about mushrooms while you watch this, or your eyeballs will start to bleed and white foam will start to come out of your nose.
And then there's
this gem, from a pre-Muppets Jim Henson, shilling for the now-defunct Wilkins Coffee.
Why is this lumpy little proto-Kermit being such a dick about coffee? What is his agenda? Frankly, I don't like being strong-armed into drinking dirty water. No wonder the Wilkins Company's mafia tactics drove them out of business.
But if you're looking for puppets, why not check out the frightening-yet-friendly beasties of
Spook House Dave!?
In this episode, the monsters try to cope with Dave's absence while he's away at summer camp. Suffice to say, they don't exactly hold it together. Maybe they just need to get out of the castle. I hear Groupon has some great deals on hot air balloon rides.
Posted in
Matt Warren with tags
Super Bowl,
photoshop,
ketchup,
wings,
football on 2/4/2011 11:28:32 AM by Matt Warren
For the serious sports fan, this weekend is arguably the biggest weekend of the year. The Super Bowl is perhaps our biggest unofficial holiday, providing slobs and stats nerds of every race, religion, and economic background an opportunity to F up some seven-layer dip and blow their paycheck on ridiculous prop bets. But not everyone's into football. And that's fine, because for these people a whole cottage-industry of nonathletic "Bowls" have sprung up to service almost every niche and fetish. There's the Bud Bowl, the Puppy Bowl, the Lingerie Bowl. But why stop there? Here are our ideas for some additions to the pantheon of esoteric specialty bowls...
The Condiment Bowl
Watch as Catsup and Ketchup go head to head to determine, once and for all time, which spelling is correct. Don't be alarmed if, at the end of the grudge match, the field is smeared in gooey red liquid from goal post to goal post. That's just, you know, delicious ketchup. Go ahead. Dip your curly fries in there.
The Soup Art Bowl
Okay, this one's a bit of a stretch, but what about a knock down drag out fight between Andy Warhol's iconic Campbells soup can paintings? Maybe like, I don't know, hot dog bean vs. New England Clam Chowder? Yeah, that works.
The Sharktocopter Bowl
Just because. Who cares if it's Photoshopped? This picture is rad.
It's Mother's Day on Sunday. We're taking our mother to see that Babies movie. We don't really want to see it ourselves, you know, because it's about babies, and babies are, like, not really our thing, but, well, that trailer is kind of cute and our mom totally wants to see it and everyone keeps talking about it and how the babies are so adorable, like no one has ever seen a baby before and everything that babies do isn't adorable anyway, and ... FINE. I WANT TO SEE CUTE BABIES WITH MY MOM.
Also, if you're in Los Angeles tonight, you should head on down to the Egyptian Theatre in Hollywood to watch EASY TO ASSEMBLE on the big screen. Illeana Douglas, Kevin Pollack and producer Dominik Rausch will be there. Tell them we said "hi," and ask Illeana what she has against Justin and Alden's bromance.
(Above image is from My Damn Channel series Horrible People.)
THE NEXT BROADCAST
by Ben Goldstein
March 2, 2008 -- Web entertainment enters prime time, as Internet networks start modeling themselves on real-world broadcastersBY THE TIME you finish reading this sentence, a 15-year-old mall-punk in central Michigan will have clicked on a YouTube video, gotten bored within seconds, and then clicked on another. It's that kind of insatiable thirst for the next bright, shiny Web-thing that's both fueling and challenging an emerging wave of Internet TV networks.
But for these rapidly multiplying entertainment sites that present original videos, usually released on a consistent schedule, it's also their greatest hope. Because although the audience that looks online for entertainment is fickle to the point of brutality, maybe their attention spans are so short because nobody has given them what they want yet.
Two weeks ago, actor-comedian Damon Wayans became the latest high-profile figure to throw his talent behind the still relatively unproven medium of Internet television, as he announced the impending debut of WayOutTV.com. The site will feature sketch comedy bearing the trademark Wayans Family mix of oddball pop-culture parody and provocative social commentary. Though an official launch date hasn't been established, samples are being released weekly at YouTube.com/WayOutTV.
"There is no urban destination online," Wayans says. "Everybody uses YouTube, but you have to dig deep and for a long time to find something that satisfies you. With WayOut, I'm the filter. I'm creating a brand of comedy as opposed to letting everybody just put up whatever they want."Though the comedian admits that building a Web site's infrastructure is new to him, he sounds like a veteran 'Net-geek when he talks about his big ideas, which include using WayOutTV to create viral ads for corporations, and focusing on content for mobile phones.
He'll need those forward-thinking concepts if WayOutTV is going to succeed.
As the Will Ferrell-backed FunnyorDie.com proved, it takes more than a big name to hold the eyes of an online populace in constant search of novelty. Pulling in about 2 million unique viewers per month, FunnyorDie may be a traffic success compared to other top-notch comedy destinations like SuperDeluxe and MyDamnChannel, but after drawing 4.5 million visitors during its April launch, FoD's numbers crashed and have yet to recover.Besides the fact that the site's videos lacked a predictable TV-like schedule, another reason for FunnyOrDie's somewhat disappointing performance could be its insular nature. The old model was to guard your content vigilantly so that it wouldn't fall into the hands of other video-sharing sites, where you wouldn't benefit from the traffic. (If you want to see Will Ferrell have an argument with a foul-mouthed toddler, you have to come here.)
This may have been a mistake.
New networks are distributing their content all over the Web rather than confining it to a single site, but they're doing so in a controlled way so artists' rights are protected. 60Frames.com, which launched its first series in January, follows a studio model in which professional artists are given resources to create videos that are syndicated to sites like YouTube and MySpace.
Shows produced by 60Frames include "WhoWhatWearTV," which has been theNo. 1-ranked fashion/beauty video podcast on iTunes since its debut, and the hilarious Jersey Shore-lampooning "Douchebag Beach" series."We knew there were a lot of talented artists who wanted to work in this space, but they didn't want to just upload their content to the 'Net without any support, or sell their ideas to media companies where they would be forced to give up ownership and control," says 60Frames CEO Brent Weinstein, who previously led United Talent Agency's digital media department. "When we hear an idea that's a good match for our company, we get behind it as quickly as we can, and once we're in business with artists, we give them quite a bit of free reign. We're the most artist-friendly option in the marketplace."
Of course, you might consider bypassing artists altogether.
A totally different (and more conventional) model for Internet TV is exemplified by Joost, a five-month-old service that presents more than 20,000 shows plucked from "real" TV networks such as Comedy Central and A&E. Original programming is a potential goal for the future, but Joost's main focus is on acquiring rights to existing programming and presenting it all in one place for free.But are more channels what people want?Though more than 5 million people have downloaded the Joost software to date, the company's North American GM, David Clark, says that the biggest challenge in running Joost is "helping people find what they are interested in.
"All of a sudden, that "filter" thing that Damon Wayans mentioned is starting to make sense. If you're lost in an abyss of options that aren't directly aimed at you, maybe you're in the wrong place. And Rob Barnett, CEO of MyDamnChannel, is even more critical of the repurposing strategy.
"I think there's a lot of cynicism in this attitude of, 'The kids are watching all this YouTube stuff, so let's go make another buck off the s - - - we already have,' " Barnett says. "It's rehashed, retreaded content that was made for a different medium. I'd rather say, 'Hey, let's blow their minds and give them something they haven't seen before.' "
Barnett managed programming and production divisions at MTV and VH1 for more than a decade before launching MyDamnChannel in July of last year. The site had 1 million unique users in January, and when we spoke with him, it was having its biggest traffic day ever thanks to a Harry Shearer-produced clip that showed candid footage of Ann Coulter and Bill O'Reilly during moments they didn't know cameras were rolling.
Less is certainly more at MyDamnChannel. Instead of a mass of individual videos that require searching, MDC presents eight highly produced channels, created by artists ranging from Harry Shearer to Coolio, which release a new episode every week. It's about as close to an actual TV network as you'll find on the Web, right down to the consistent scheduling, and it runs proudly against the grain of the user-generated content approach (which ManiaTV.com CEO Peter Hoskins colorfully refers to as "loser-generated content").
Like Wayans, Barnett realizes the importance of submitting to a higher power (i.e., YouTube) for exposure and distribution."If you just drop [your content] onto the Internet, you're in the biggest ocean in the planet, and you're lost," Barnett says.
Words of warning for the glut of new comedy-based Internet TV networks trying to follow the throw-it-all-at-the-wall approach set by FunnyorDie. Recent months have seen the launch of MyBlueCollar.com (Jeff Foxworthy's comedy site), NationalBanana.com (Jerry Zucker's comedy site), and the brand-new Comedy.com (Former UPN President Dean Valentine's comedy site). We don't necessarily recommend you visit any of them.Even though the trend is toward outrageous humor, not every Internet TV network goes for belly laughs. One of the most interesting new models is the development of a group of sites or channels that have nothing to do with one another, but are produced with the same aesthetic.
ONNetworks.com presents more than 20 do-it-yourself cooking, decorating, and green-living instructional shows aimed at the young and hip. The sites launched by the year-old NextNewNetworks.com, which is also led by former cable TV execs, have provided definitive destinations for everyone from vintage Corvette enthusiasts (VetteDog.com), to jewelry designers (MetalChik.com), to people who just like cute pets (UltraKawaii.com).
But there's one thing all these sites have in common: They won't ask you to pay a single dime for your entertainment.
With so much content already free on the Web, those who launch Internet TV networks know they have to be a little more creative when it comes to finding revenue streams. Hence, syndication deals, embedded ads, corporate brands integrated into programming and DVD releases.
Ultimately, Damon Wayans places his trust in the opportunity of the unknown that the online wilderness can be tamed and the pioneers of Web TV can eventually learn how to turn a profit.
"I personally feel that the Internet is what cable was 30 years ago," Wayans says. "It's like clay. Whatever you decide to make it, that's what it will become."
Channel guide: SURFING THROUGH the best of web tv
vbs.tv
Concept: Hipster entertainment from the minds that brought you Vice Magazine.
Best Show: "Shot by Kern" gives viewers insight into the artistic process of New York-based erotic photographer Richard Kern and the thought process of his models.
Also Watch: "The Vice Guide to Travel," "Epicly Later'd"
Schedule: More than 30 series are currently in rotation and are usually updated weekly.
NextNewNetworks.com
Concept: An umbrella group of micro-networks aimed at various niche interests.
Best Channel: IndyMogul.com, resources and moral support for DIY filmmakers.
Also Watch: ThreadBanger.com (fashion coverage with a punk rock 'tude), ChannelFrederator.com (animated comedy featuring Dan Meth's brilliant "The Meth Minute 39" series)
Schedule: Generally in the video blog format, each of NNN's subnetworks are on their own schedules, with daily or weekly updates.
SuperDeluxe.com
Concept: Boundary-pushing alt-comedy videos and social networking.
Best Show: "The Professor Brothers," wherein two bald, pompous community college lecturers try to make sense of the world.
Also Watch: "All My Exes," Norm MacDonald's "The Fake News"
MyDamnChannel.com
Concept: An Internet entertainment studio focusing on eight professional-quality channels produced by well-known artists.
Best Show: In "Wainy Days," writer/director/ex-State member David Wain repeatedly and hilariously fails to find his soul mate.
Also Watch:
"Horrible People," "Big Fat Brain"
Schedule:
Monday: new episodes of
Wainy Days,
Horrible People
Tuesday:
Harry Shearer
Wednesday:
Andy Milonakis,
Cookin' With Coolio
Thursday:
Don Was,
Carnival of Stuff
Friday:
"Big Fat Brain"
ONNetworks.com
Concept: Unconventional instructional shows for a range of interests, all produced in HD.
Best Show: "Dinner with the Band," in which chef Sam Mason hosts his favorite bands for an evening of cooking, conversation, and live performance.
Also Watch: "Backpack Picnic," "Stump the Chef"