Taxi Driver. Taxi. Cash Cab. That movie With Jimmy Fallon, Queen Latifah and Gisele Bundchen that no one will ever admit to seeing.
There's something glamorous and romantic about taxis, right? Who doesn't wish they could jump into one and say "Follow that car!" Or "Step on it!" Or "Don't you dare try to take me down the FDR during rush hour!"
A few weeks ago Mark Malkoff tried to make some taxi riders' dreams come true, so long as their taxi-riding dream wasn't more complicated than getting from one place to another:
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Highlights include when Mark and his driver "Tony Danza" the cab:
And Mark's costume changes:
Make sure you follow Mark on
Twitter and
Facebook so that the next time he's looking for someone to be in a video, it might be you. You might even get a free meal out of it, so long as you don't mind sitting in your food:
Mark Malkoff's done it again.
The Apple Store. We've all been there. We have iPhones and iPads and iPods and MacBooks and MacBook Airs and MacBook Pros that need purchasing and servicing and updating and repair. We need software and Genius Bars and One to One help and Workshops about Final Cut Pro. And sometimes-- let's face it-- we just need to hang out in an air conditioned place with free internet access during a heatwave.
And those Apple Store employees, bless their hearts, never ever reprimand you for hogging that 17-inch MacBook Pro display even though everyone can see that you're just playing Words With Friends.
But what if Darth Vader needed help with his iPhone? Would an Apple Employee just go about business as usual and ask him for his email?
Well, okay. Fine. Sure. Of course Darth Vader has email. But what if Mark Malkoff ordered a pizza? Or brought
his wife in for a romantic dinner date? Or what if he brought a GOAT into the store? What then?
We'll let you
watch the video for yourself to see what happens. But the next time you find yourself killing time in an Apple Store pretending to check your email for 30 minutes but really just playing Angry Birds, maybe tell one of those Apple Store employees, "Thanks for being so cool, man. May the force be with you." And he might think you're weird, but he's probably still just gonna let you do your thing.
Such a tease, Mark Malkoff. We hope whatever happened with the goat is legal in places other than Florida.
So, to recap: Mark Malkoff spent 5 Days In The Bathroom to try to rid himself of his internet addiction. This makes the internet love him more. Behold:
Even former former Conan and Daily Show writer Rob Kutner got in on it:
So, now we know: YOU CANNOT QUIT THE MEDIA. THE MEDIA WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND FIND YOU WHEREVER YOU ARE EVEN IF YOU ARE IN YOUR OWN BATHROOM IN QUEENS. And Rob Kutner, can you try to be less funny and witty when writing tweets about our videos, please? You are making some of us look bad.
Posted in
Maria,
Mark Malkoff with tags
Mark Malkoff,
comedian,
internet addiction,
technology addiction,
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"5 Days In The Bathroom",
Bret Michaels,
Poison on 9/15/2010 11:02:18 AM by
Maria
So, in Part One, we learned that the first day was pretty rough on Mark Malkoff:
This week, we learn how Mark tried to stay fit:
... learned to knit...
... and learned how to play "Every Rose Has Its Thorn"... kind of...
Watch Part Two now, and make sure you get up early on Thursday, September 16th to watch Mark Malkoff on the CBS Early Show:
UPDATE: Both Mark and his infinitely patient wife Christine will appear on The CBS Early Show on Friday, September 17th during the 8 AM hour!
This is Mark Malkoff
And this is Mark Malkoff:
And this is Mark Malkoff:
Does he look familiar? He should... because Mark Malkoff is just like you: ADDICTED TO THE INTERNET.
He decided to check into his bathroom (like, REALLY check-in, not virtually check-in on Foursquare or Facebook or Gowalla) for FIVE STRAIGHT DAYS to see if he could shake his reliance on technology and rebuild some of the attention span he lost over the last four or five years
Was he successful? Did he survive? Did he actually learn to make ramen using an electric tea kettle and the kitchen sink? Is he less of a person because he missed TMZ for a week? Find out in PART ONE then come back to My Damn Channel on September 15th to see the rest... unless you're inspired to spend a week in your own bathroom to do an Internet Detox. In which case, we'll see you on the other side, kids. See you on the other side.
Mark Malkoff is worn out.
Mark texts. Mark tweets. Mark emails and Facebooks and YouTubes and iPhones and does a million other brand-name things that popular culture has turned into verbs. It is a lot of work to stay connected to everyone all over the world wide web at one time, and Mark is starting to find it all a little taxing.
So he's going to check out for five days in a place where no distractions will get to him: his bathroom.
Sounds like a good idea, right?
Mark's even gong to try to be productive during his Week With No Internet. He's going to try and finish that book he's been meaning to read. He's going to learn that song he's been meaning to play. He's going to write that poem for his wife he's been meaning to write. Aw. That's sweet. And all the while, he's going to shoot footage and put it all into one awesome video, which we can all watch on his channel at
MyDamnChannel.com/MarkMalkoff on September 8th.
We're pretty excited to have Mark Malkoff on our team. After all,
anyone who can visit every single Starbucks in Manhattan in a single day is a friend of ours. And since
he lived in a New Jersey IKEA for a week, he'd probably know better than anyone how to wield a an allen wrench. And, he knows Lisa Loeb, so, you know, bonus points:
To be honest, we're jealous. We wish that we could check out for five days. We wouldn't talk to ANYONE. Except we wouldn't do it in our bathroom. We'd do it on an island somewhere, and, okay, so
MAYBE we'd talk to someone... but it would be because he was the bartender and we had to tell him what kind of wonderfully fruity drink to bring us. But other than him, no one.
Good luck, with this one, Mark. We think you're gonna need it.