Posted in
Harry Shearer,
Maria,
Politics,
Presidential with tags
GOP Debate,
Florida Primary,
Republican Debate,
Mitt Romney,
Newt Gingrich,
Wolf Blitzer,
Rick Santorum,
Ron Paul,
Dr. Paul,
Florida Debate,
Republican Candidates,
Republican Primary,
Presidential Candidates,
Republican Presidential Candidates,
Harry Shearer on 1/29/2012 5:00:00 PM by Maria
HEY! That's not Wolf Blitzer!
Actor/author/director/satirist/musician/radio host Harry Shearer's
found footage of the CNN team prepping for the Florida Republican Debate using civilians as stand-ins for the candidates might be the best thing to happen to the GOP Debate since
Michele Bachmann took the longest pee break ever.
Newt Gingrich is looking decidedly more feminine since the last time we saw him. When the petite redheaded woman introduces herself as "Newt Gingrich" and proclaims "I just ran a marathon before I got here," Fake Wolf Blitzer chuckles and her fellow faux candidates smile.
Could they possibly find her more charming than the real thing?
Hey GOP Candidates, relax a little! Slip into something more comfortable! Let your hair down!
That's more like it. Now how about we whistle the National Anthem?
(Intern Josh, wondering forlornly how he ended up here)
EDITOR'S NOTE: It's Josh's last day as an intern for My Damn Channel! I asked him to write up a post telling you what it was like for him this summer!
Coming into My Damn Channel as an intern I thought all I was gonna learn was how to file papers and fill out reports. Boy was I wrong! Friday will be my last day and I still haven't correctly filled out a single report. My boss is always saying that it drives him crazy how long it's taking me to get the hang of the office duties, but I can tell he's just joking. How I treasure that agonized look he gets trying so hard to hold back laughter.
What I learned though was way more valuable than any college education. I would say it was worth about $230,000, a couple hundred more than four years' tuition at Wesleyan. What I learned was the value of making the effort to gain the respect of your peers.
Before I ever set foot into that office, I had my work cut out for me. My future co-workers had already started gossiping that I only got the internship because of my family connections. After failing for three years to strike any gold, my great-great-grandfather started My Damn Channel during the California Gold Rush as a burlesque show designed to entertain entrepreneurs who had given up on trying to find gold and started companies catered to the needs of the gold miners. Grandpa Schmulie Meisel. I can't believe that was such a popular name back then โ Grandpa.
My first day at work the guy sharing my cubicle got mad at me for unplugging his computer. "What do you need a blender for?!" he irrationally snarled. "How else are you gonna make computer smoothies silly? By hand?!" I chucked his computer into my oversized blender. He must've thought I was awfully spoiled, not making my computer smoothies by hand. I really had an uphill battle ahead of me if I wanted to gain anyone's respect.
A couple of days in I got the courage to pitch a show idea to the head of development. It was a parody of "Friends" called "Friends." He looked at me like I was an idiot. "You just handed me a bunch of "Friends" scripts. I think I know now why the printer's out of ink. Look, why don't you hold off for a bit before you make any more pitches." Apparently my scripts had gone right over his head. And "Friends" was a pretty accessible show. The guy I shared my cubicle was a rube, our head of development was dense as a neutron star, and my boss was an incorrigible prankster. My situation was less than ideal to say the least.
Halfway through the summer things had only gotten worse. I was miserable. My only friend was the janitor, and he was a Roomba! I'd cry myself to sleep every night, and when I wasn't feeling that sad I would get my butler to cry me to sleep. My job was a major disappointment. It wasn't at all like that show "The Office." We had TWO guys named Dwight, and the prettiest girl wasn't dating the most handsome guy (me), but instead this guy Jim who's so inexperienced with women that when I asked him to share some girlie stories he just laughed.
All I could do was trudge along until my five weeks were up, filing away papers wherever I could cram them (I may not get the job done pretty, but I'm damn fast). And just when I had given up on ever gaining a single ounce of respect from any My Damn Channel employee, a stroke of luck bolted me right in the face.
I'll always remember it like it was yesterday, even though it was only yesterday today. Jim's girlfriend (I think her name was Xamela) told him he needed to go somewhere to sign some forms. She couldn't give him a ride because she was busy. He asked if anyone else could take him, and I shot out of my chair like I was sitting on a lit match (which for the one of the first times I wasn't). Jim didn't see me at first; his eyes scanned the room for someone to drive him but everyone pretended to be hard at work because they were too lazy to take him. Finally he saw me and said "Fine let's go Josh." And fine it was. Everyone looked up at Jim and smiled at him. Their smiles seemed to say, "I'm really happy for you that you get to go on a fun/crazy/cool ride with Josh." But the smiles had a little menace behind them that signified jealousy.
When I got back my boss laughed with mirth, patted me on the back, and said, "Good job sonny." All I ever wanted was for my boss to think of me as a son, but life isn't easy. I had to put in my time to get what I wanted โ let's just say I don't think I could've earned the luxury of being treated by my boss like his own flesh and blood if I hadn't given Jim that ride. And now, in these last couple of months before my summer ends and I have to go back to hitting the books trying to eventually earn my GED, I can look back at my time at My Damn Channel atop my pool float, computer smoothie in hand, and know that that one lesson I learned was well worth all my trifles. Plus it helped that I was making more than the rest of the office combined.
Thanks, Josh, er, Sonny! We will miss you! We know it will be tough going back to Stanford to get a world-class education, but it's better you than us!
We fully intend to continue stalking following you and your writing as @artsypriest and as a writer for The Stanford Chaparral.
PS: If any of you, dear readers, for some strange, maddening reason, would like to be an intern for My Damn Channel, please send an email to info@MyDamnChannel.com, and be sure to include links to your blog, Twitter and Tumblr accounts, or any other writing samples you might have! In the immortal words of the Jersey Shore kids in Italy, "Arrivederci, summer!"
(L-R: Mitch, Thomas, Jim)
Editor's Note: Today we have guest bloggers! The Worst Generation is our newest series and we thought it might be nice for you to get to know its stars a little more intimately, so here they are:
So, My Damn Channel wants us to do some type of blog thingy to kinda introduce ourselves to the people of the internet. Since we don't have any actual "fan mail" (or even "fans" for that matter), I've ripped off a few questions from a Justin Bieber fan site for us to answer. Answer these bad boys and any other questions you can think of to get this bad boy rollin'.
+++++++++++++++++++
If your house was on fire and you could only take one thing with you what would it be?
- Roxy, 13, Detroit
JIM: Hi Roxy. Thanks for watching. I'd probably have to grab my amazing-incredible-pornography box, a.k.a. my computer. Either that or my collection of Simpsons action figures.
THOMAS: Bauer, he's the only hope any of us have for success. And you're an idiot Jim the question clearly stated one thing that you would take and you clearly listed two.
JIM: I get nervous talking to people from Detroit. She probably just wants to steal our stuff.
MITCH: My depression pills.
Where do you get your best love advice?
- Lonely in Little Rock
MITCH: My dad once told me. "never take home the three legged dog from the pound just because you feel sorry for it." That made since when I was 9 and it still does to this day.
JIM: I've tried it all; tarot cards, gypsy palm readings, fortune cookies, magic 8 balls... and I found the best place for you to get your love advise... is from inside your heart :)
THOMAS: I just watch what Mitch does, and it teaches me exactly what NOT to do as far as love is concerned.
If you could have dinner with 3 people, dead or alive, who would it be?
THOMAS: I don't really care as long as those three people are buying. And it better be some gourmet shit, if I have to go listen to three other people bore me to death I don't want to do it over a Big Mac and fries.
MITCH: Bo Jackson, The Pope, and Dennis Rodman
JIM: Wow Mitch, what are the odds of the Pope even responding to that evite? I'm going with Jenna Jameson, Pamela Anderson and Angelina Jolie. In their primes. Next question.
How does it feel to be mobbed by screaming girls?
JIM: You get used to it.
THOMAS: Feels normal, they've been doing it my whole life.
MITCH: Sometimes, I don't feel worthy of it all. Other times, it gets annoying having to hear all the jibber-jabber that comes along with it.
Describe your dream girl.
MITCH: I hear your dream girl is actually a version of your mother. So probably an annoying old bitch.
JIM: My dream girl is funny, smart, nice smile, pretty eyes, caring of others, and got an ass so big you can see it from the front.
THOMAS: Depends on my mood. And the season.
What would a fan have to do to date you?
THOMAS: Tell me their daddy was Steven Spielberg, Ron Howard, Jerry Bruckheimer or any such type of person, so that I can leave these clowns of TWG behind and get started on my life doing something that is actually worth a shit.
JIM: Be 18 years old and have a vagina. A trust fund wouldn't hurt either.
MITCH: Have you ever heard of a ballcuzzi?
Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
JIM: Hopefully off of unemployment and out of my parents' basement.
MITCH: Cute cottage near the sea with roommates that make me breakfast and flush the toilet once in a while... or unemployed in my parents basement.
THOMAS: Dating Spielberg's daughter.
How do you deal with all the haters out there?
MITCH: I always carry a butterfly knife I got in Baja. Can't hate when you're getting stabbed.
THOMAS: In the words of Tupac: " Fuck it. I feel like I shine. And I don't give a fuck how many white people, the Media, black people, playa haters, police, whoever, try to darken my shine, Im'a always shine through. "
JIM: Uhhhhh wait what?
What would you do if all the fame went away tomorrow?
JIM: If all of this fame was suddenly taken away from me, I'd probably blow my head off.
MITCH: It would be a long way to fall, but I'm sure I could still pull ass so who cares.
THOMAS: Be excited that I'd never have to answer stupid questions like these again. Is this really what you want us to do Jimmy? Whataya' stupid or something?
How would you describe your style?
THOMAS: Lazy
JIM: Oh I dunno, maybe rural-chic with an urban twist.
MITCH: Commando, Ballistic, and Fresh.
How do you maintain such a hot body?
THOMAS: Layers and no AC.
MITCH: Commitment to Excellence.
JIM: More like commitment to purging after every meal. I usually lift like 8 hours a day, 6 days a week.
Editor: Uh, thanks, guys! We'll all be watching you and Bauer every Tuesday at www.MyDamnChannel.com/TheWorstGeneration! And following you on Twitter at @TheWorstGen! And on Facebook at Facebook.com/TheWorstGeneration!
Otherwise we'll be avoiding Mitch and his butterfly knife.
We're so happy to announce that
The Comic's Comic is the newest part of the My Damn Channel Blog Network!
Editor
Sean L. McCarthy has been working the comedy beat for years, becoming the definitive guide to the best comedy and comedians in the world.
You can read the full press release
here, but you should really just go to
TheComicsComic.com and subscribe and bookmark it and make it your homepage already. Unless your homepage is already
MyDamnChannel.com, in which case... uh... SWEET.
It's Wednesday. Here's something to help you get over the hump:
The Mortal Kombat: Legacy finale!
Fighting! Cyborgs! Sorcerers! The final episode kicks so much ass we don't know what to do bur stare slack-jawed at our screen and make gifs of our favorite fight scenes.
Watch it now and make your Wednesday kick a little more ass, too.
Harry Shearer was the first artist signed to My Damn Channel when we launched four years ago in 2007.
Harry first encountered satellite news feeds when he worked at SNL. He's fascinated with the contents of videos that you normally never get to see and we call these clips: Found Objects.
We just uploaded a new Found Object on My Damn Channel, Diane Sawyer: "I Have Nothing."
Here's the link.
Harry writes, "Diane Sawyer is on the scene after a tornado has ripped through Joplin, anchoring a live broadcast from the city. But it's not easy for her."
He adds, "This is a portrait of a fly-in anchor covering a disaster. Diane may be Diane, but this is pretty much what you get when you send high-priced anchor talent into a place where everything has fallen apart and nothing works. The quote, 'I have nothing,' of course, should more appropriately be coming from a tornado victim.'"
Posted in
Gigi,
Josh Gad,
Matt Warren with tags
josh gad,
the book of mormon,
broadway,
south park,
musical,
matt stone,
trey parker,
ew,
entertainment weekly,
hollywood reporter,
variety,
gigi on 3/25/2011 10:46:38 AM by Matt Warren
Hopefully by now you've had a chance to Speak, Learn English and Donate Good Cause with everyone's favorite new cousin from the old world, Gigi. And surely you've heard about the new Broadway hit "The Book of Mormon," from South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone, which just happens to star one Mr. Josh Gad, the man behind Gigi.
According to the Hollywood Reporter, Josh "may be giving the single funniest, most endearing performances on Broadway." And Variety says Josh plays his part "with a nervous cackle and the gentility of a young John Belushi." Not too shabby coming from two of entertainment reporting's most enduring and respected publications.
Want to hear what Josh has to say about getting involved in "The Book of Mormon?" Then check out his interview in this Entertainment Weekly interview.
But maybe you don't live near Broadway, or can't get tickets. Don't worry, 'cause Josh is here on My Damn Channel every week as Gigi. So tell your friends, tell your family, and tell your huddled masses yearning to breathe free..
Posted in
Subway with tags
jeff and ravi fail history,
subway,
fresh artists,
jared,
foot long,
five dollar,
5,
time travel,
future,
past,
present,
USC,
filmmakers,
filmmaking,
sxsw on 3/14/2011 8:15:55 AM by Dubs
"Sandwiches & Shorts" screened the winners of the Subway Fresh Artists Filmmakers Challenge at the IFC Crossroads House at SXSW. Grace was there as hostess with the mostest, Rob made his way around the scene, and the Fresh Artists winners were there in full effect. SXSW was a blast (but we've gotta get back to work now).
Hope you followed us on Tumblr & Twitter!
Posted in
Gigi with tags
gigi,
josh gad,
the daily show,
matt stone,
trey parker,
jon stewart,
comedy central,
book of mormon,
broadway,
musical,
south park on 3/11/2011 8:01:13 AM by Dubs
Holy snaps! Check out our boy, Josh Gad - star of our upcoming series Gigi: Almost American, "on" The Daily Show last night! Okay, so Matt and Trey from South Park were really the guests; there to talk about their new Broadway musical The Book Of Mormon. But Josh was about as on as you can be without being there in person (check him out behind Matt and Trey, singing like a champ). Plus he's been on The Daily Show as a correspondent so no need to split hairs here anyway.
Matt and Trey got some pretty high praise from their Comedy Central counterpart. I won't spoil what Mr. Jon Stewart had to say, you can check it out for yourself. Actually, you need to hear it for yourself because it'd probably sound like I was making it up if I told you because when I say "high praise", I mean it was downright biblical (pun intended, suckas!).
Episodes of Gigi: Almost American launch 3/23, but you can get your fix now with the trailer and promos NOW.