What's Mark Malkoff Up To?

Mark Malkoff, Camryn Manheim and Camryn Manheim's Emmy

Where's Mark Malkoff been?

Was he so exhausted from taking people on Free Cab Rides all over New York City that he's gone into hiding? Was his last vlog chronicling his adventures arm-wrestling children just too Over The Top?

Fear not. Mark is hard at work in Los Angeles putting together his next project for you: "Celebrity Sleepovers."

Make sure you visit the My Damn Channel Facebook Page where we will post photos of Mark and some of the celebs who have let him into their home.

Like Lisa Loeb:

And Ed Begley, Jr.:

... where we see the arm-wrestling thing is starting to become a recurring theme.

We'll let you know when the video is going to premiere. Until then, we hope more celebrities arm wrestle with Mark because Dan Harmon and I agree that these Over The Top jokes are never going to get old:

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Meet "Dicki".

Everyone's so uptight about what they can put on the Internet. It's like, "Come ON, everybody!"

Meet Dicki.

She's 40. She lives with her parents. In the middle of nowhere. She makes a living doing...uh... something... we think. And in Episode One she's trying to get her Facebook profile picture juuuuuuuust right, which we totally understand since we've all held the camera at arm's length in a weirdly lit hallway, trying to make it look like it's a candid shot of us out at some ridiculous party having extraordinary fun, instead of just standing in our parents' hallway hoping they don't ask us what we're doing.

If we were Dicki, we'd probably just take a photo that made us look as much like Mary Lynn Rajskub as possible, since most people who know her work as "Chloe O'Brian" or "Gail the Snail" are pretty enamored of her.

Oh, well, to each their own, we guess. And in Dicki's case, we don't think that will be a problem.

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Come At Me, Bro Speak!

Your new favorite blog, Slacktory, did you the generous favor of translating Facebook's confusing and cumbersome Terms of Service into "Bro Speak" so that everyone can understand the rules, even if one happens to be wearing a baseball cap askew on one's head.

Here's an excerpt on Privacy, a subject that seems to get many Facebook users up in arms:

We give lots of fucks about your privacy, so we wrote this. Read it, so you know what the fuck we’re going to do with the shit you post, so you’re not all “Facebook, I had no idea!” when your shit is in our press releases. That way you know the deal when you’re deciding what to post.

Nice work, bro. Now that we're finally able to understand Facebook's Terms of Service, there will be NO CHANCE that we'll ever be upset with them for using in some public and vaguely nefarious manner any of the information or data that we've given them voluntarily! Hooray!

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Oh, Jeez!!!

We're only two weeks away from the launch of Versailles. Among the many stars of this dark and twisted comedy is the illustrious Fred Willard. Would it be bold of me to say that Versailles puts Fred in one of his top five comedic roles ever? Yes it would, and I just said it.

Versailles launches May 9th. Check out this promo (featuring Fred Willard in a wrestling onesie) and set your internet for May 9th so you can be the first to check out this great new series.

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Happy Valentine's Day

Get to know your My Damn Channel bloggers - intimately!
They enjoy reading novels, researching little known historical figures, and long walks on the beach. But also short walks on the beach.

These eligible bachelors are awaiting your comments all week long, so make yourself a My Damn Channel profile and send your a/s/l, along with a photo of yourself (taken by you with your outstreched arm) to info@mydamnchannel.com, and make this Valentine's Day the creepiest best ever! XOXOXO!

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Thoughts of the Week

As an avid fan of Super Bowl Champions the Green Bay Packers, I've spent much of the last week celebrating by shoveling as many different kinds of cheese down my throat as possible. True, this is how I mostly go about life to begin with, but the cholesterol choking off my arteries and slowly murdering me has been especially festive as of late.
 
But not everyone was pleased with what went down on their TVs last Sunday. Steelers fans, sure. But music fans also suffered a devastating one-two punch in the forms of Christina Aguilera's freedom-hating National Anthem flub, and the Black Eyed Peas' over-aggressive imperative to "DRANK!" And then there are those weirdoes who only watch the Super Bowl "for the ads." And for these folks there was nothing more controversial and upsetting than Groupon's "save your money"-themed ads skewering celeb activism.
 
Okay, fair enough. A drunken, sports-obsessed viewing audience and a perhaps too-subtle bit of Swiftian satire do not the perfect marriage make. But if you're looking to be shocked, angered, and perplexed by advertising, these videos remain the gold standard...
 
First, we have this cute lil' nightmare factory from famed Japanese artist Takashi Murakami.
  
What is Inochi-Kun? My best guess is ceaseless, unending horror. Don't even think about mushrooms while you watch this, or your eyeballs will start to bleed and white foam will start to come out of your nose.
 
And then there's this gem, from a pre-Muppets Jim Henson, shilling for the now-defunct Wilkins Coffee. 
 
Why is this lumpy little proto-Kermit being such a dick about coffee? What is his agenda? Frankly, I don't like being strong-armed into drinking dirty water. No wonder the Wilkins Company's mafia tactics drove them out of business.
 
But if you're looking for puppets, why not check out the frightening-yet-friendly beasties of Spook House Dave!? 
 
In this episode, the monsters try to cope with Dave's absence while he's away at summer camp. Suffice to say, they don't exactly hold it together. Maybe they just need to get out of the castle. I hear Groupon has some great deals on hot air balloon rides.

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Nice Try, Academy

As we already pointed out a couple days ago, this year’s Oscar nominations were announced this week, sending pop culture dorks the world over into a frenzy as everyone scrambled to figure out who was superior to who -- the douchebag computer programmer, the stammering king, James Franco’s gross-ass arm, etc. But c’mon. We all know the Oscars are a sham created by Free Masons to launder money from their cockfighting ring (thanks, Wikipedia!). Who cares who did the best job ugly-ing themselves up for a role, or which hairpiece was the least ridiculous? The really impressive filmmaking achievements are all right here, on My Damn Channel…

Best Tapestry of Lies and Deceit, Horrible People Murder, alcoholism, infidelity. General rudeness. It’s all par for the course for A.D. Miles’ soap opera. Who needs subtle and naturalistic performances when arched eyebrows, leering, and melodramatic pauses will get the job done just as well? Just watch your back. Somebody’s probably waiting to stab you back there.
Best Tilapia, Cookin’ with Coolio Coolio is a man of many talents. Rapping, acting, gravity-defying braids. But did you know he’s also an accomplished chef? Well, you do now. And while he may not headed on Top Chef any time soon, but hey, he’s the “Fantastic Voyage” guy! Teaching you how to cook! ‘Weird’ Al never did a parody of anything Emeril Lagasse ever did. Just sayin’.

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The King And I: The Irreplaceable Howard Stern

Like millions of us, my stepmom is a lifelong Howard Stern fan. She just sent this photo taken off of Howard TV, airing our in-studio interview from earlier this week. I had the honor of being Howard Stern's guest on his Tuesday, 420 show (scroll to 840a).

Response is coming into My Damn Channel via email, phones, video views, comments, new subscribers, tweets, wall postings, and even a live spotting this afternoon in a clothing store (to complete the surreality). The influx of intense energy all flows back to a man undeniably uniquely qualified to hold the heavyweight title: "King of All Media."

Howard endures as one of the most talented and honest souls alive. He embodies the freedom of speech with every breath. For all who've been fired, laid off, downsized, pink slipped, discharged, axed, or job eliminated...it's hard to imagine speaking truth to power on a live microphone the way Howard has done it for decades.

I first followed Howard Stern on a carrier current, college radio station, 64 WTBU at Boston University. (There's a great scene depicting TBU in "Private Parts.")

If you've ever chased a radio dream, then your college years are likely the last time and place you ever experienced the fear and thrill of exercising your freedom of speech over a live mic.

Primordial FM rock radio stations were created in the late 1960's. Early heroes like Harry Shearer and Steven Clean were blowing minds at places like KPPC in Pasadena, California (which eventually became the world famous KROQ).

The combined forces of original radio talents and pre-corporate rock music created stations throughout the 70s powerful enough to infect audiences with a sense of community, purpose, passion, sex and fun that began to hit the wall around 1980.

I was sitting on the front steps of my apartment on Beacon Street in Boston with Steven Clean and my best friend, Mike Isabella the night Ronald Reagan was elected President. I was 20. I was about to drop out of college and take a full-time job as a rock radio jock at WAAF out in Worcester, Mass. One year later, I had the only radio thrill that came closest to being on Howard's show this week. Lightning struck and we convinced the Rolling Stones to do a private show for our station's fans in 1981 to start up the "Tattoo You" tour.

But, back to Mr. Clean. I'd been Steven's intern for a time at WCOZ in Boston. At that point in his career, Clean had been fired by many of the best radio stations in the country. He was a real life inspiration for the Dr. Johnny Fever character in "WKRP in Cincinnati." Steven was incredibly talented, brilliant, a true music expert and fan...and he was rebellious enough to drive the most patient souls to the edge of their sanity.

Considering the nation's new President, Steven held a joint firmly in my face and said, "See this? This is OVER!"
By the time of Reagan's second term, most radio station managers had a "Just Say No" policy for disc jockeys expressing free thoughts on mic, or taking free reign over any music playlist.

A small number of former radio station program directors shaved their beards, cut their hair, bought expensive suits, and armed themselves with halliburton briefcases filled with blow and bullshit designed to convince every fearful radio exec that they had the only secrets to ratings success, fortune and fame.

Conformity soon became the norm. Tighter playlists made stations sound the same from city-to-city. The job of disc jockey was transforming free thinkers into people paid to read positioning slogans, timechecks and weather forecasts.

In the midst of all this unholy homogenization, Howard Stern began to build a radio show free from the constraints put on most of his competitors. His talent grew on the radio and expanded with every carefully planned new project he launched.

Superfans know that Howard pays homage to legends who came before him like Lenny Bruce and George Carlin. I can't think of another entertainer who has more succesfully won battles with corporate brass than Howard. One of the many surprises about the real man to outsiders is how he maintains his position with grace and wisdom.

No one knows what the next chapter will be for the Stern show in 2011. Assume Howard can see the possible moves on the chess board more clearly than most. As a fan, I'll be following as I have since the beginning. As a business owner, My Damn Channel stands ready to serve The King anytime he calls. 

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RAMP (Radio and Music Pros) ON MY DAMN CHANNEL

RAMP (Radio and Music Pros) LAUNCHES NOW

I had two tours of duty in radio and one tour of duty in the record business in the daze before working at MTV/VH1 and launching My Damn Channel.

There's never a doubt that the music you first heard through the radio played as much a part of creating who you are as the food you ate. In some fashion, you are what you hear.

But radio and the music business has been taking it on the chin for years. Layoffs have been brutal. When the legendary industry trade Radio & Records was shut down after 36 years, more of our friends hit the beach. It was time to put some of the bitching and moaning aside (not all of it) and launch RAMP.

Kevin Carter, Keith Berman & Steve Resnik are the artists formerly known as Street Talk Daily. Their unique brand of accurate reporting - laced with snark and laffs - covers every hot story inside radio and music.

Weekday mornings - before the crack of dawn - RAMP delivers an e-mail blast with news breaking now. If you're a Radio and Music Pro, sign up for a free subscription now at RAMP@MyDamnChannel.com.

RAMP is ad supported by our friends in the music business dedicating to getting new sounds into the ears of radioheads who bring new music to humankind.

The RAMP website is an extra shot in the arm to give My Damn Channel fans access to music videos and to videos made by the best air talent in radio. Videos will promote and link back to bands and radio stations. Find the kitty now at www.MyDamnChannel.com/RAMP

Senior Editor Kevin Carter, his "Evil Minion" Keith Berman, Sales Pro Steve Resnik, and scantilly-clad operators are standing by to take your submissions: RAMP@MyDamnChannel.com.

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NEW NEW & NEW

We started My Damn Channel in the wake of an earlier round of big corporate layoffs as traditional media tried to wrap its arms around the intense insurgency of online video.

Many major media companies took a shot at chasing YouTube's brass ring, but they couldn't ride their horses fast enough to get into the lead ahead of all the upstart brands racing onto the field.

We ran fast in our first year. Some of our best competitors like Super Deluxe didn't make it. We loved their work.  We stayed determined to keep costs low, but still bring the best talent - treat them well - and let them deliver quality, original web video which is getting seen by an audience growing faster by the second.

In the past 24 hours, we've had the #1 video on all of YouTube - thanks to Big Fat Brain, creators of "You Suck at Photoshop" and their NEW web series, "Agency of Record."

This week, TIME Magazine honored us in their Top 10 Everything of 2008 - twice!  They put YSAP in the Top 10 TV Episodes of the year next to Lost, Mad Men, 30 Rock & Colbert. And they honored Sir Harry Shearer for one of his Katie Couric Open-Mic Moments that we call "Found Objects." 

Maria on our team just told me we passed 42 million total views yesterday.

This week, we added Suhaila Suhimi to lead the advertising team bringing more top brands in to sponsor all of our new programming.

Here's a list of what's NEW & what's coming for the year ahead with immeasurable thanks for every second you've stopped your world to take a look at www.MyDamnChannel.com:



Flight of the Conchords HBO premiere episode next week on My Damn Channel - 3 weeks before it airs on HBO !

STELLA - new channel just launched

GraceNMichelle - new channel just launched

Agency of Record - new episode tmrw/Fri

Heather Fink channel

new episodes of LAPDANCE with KURT LODER

new videos from atom.com

new episodes of BACK ON TOPPS - every Tuesday

new episodes of FACETIME

and a lil tease of more/new magic wonderments:

ED HELMS
KERRI KENNEY-SILVER
SAM SEDER
SARAH SILVERMAN
DAVID CROSS
ANDY DICK
ISLA FISHER
A.D. MILES
MARK MALKOFF
and....

S P I N A L   T A P   2 0 0 9
    

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