Posted in
Maria,
Mark Malkoff,
Portlandia,
You Suck at Photoshop with tags
Put A Tony Danza On It,
#PutATonyDanzaOnIt,
Put A Bird On It,
Portlandia,
You Suck At Photoshop,
Photoshop lessons,
Photoshop games,
Tony Danza,
who's the boss,
80s sitcoms,
meme,
Mark Malkoff,
"Free Cab Rides",
fun with Photoshop on 9/29/2011 7:00:00 AM by
Maria
After watching Mark Malkoff's
"Free Cab Rides" video, we were particularly struck by the part where Mark and his driver Sean decide to "Tony Danza" the cab.
Brilliant.
An ode to Tony Danza's turn in
TAXI, sure, but why not an ode to Tony Danza
in general? We're ashamed to admit that we think about
Who's The Boss? on almost a daily basis. Like, who WAS the boss? That question has boggled us since we were seven. So, we thought, let's Tony Danza some sh*t.
(Jeff Bezos "Put A Tony Danza" on the Kindle Fire!)
(Wanna make How To Make It In America a better show?
"Put A Tony Danza On It!")
Here, maybe you wanna "Put A Tony Danza On It" yourself?
Go for it! You know how on
Portlandia they
"Put A Bird On It?" Well, maybe the rest of us should
"Put A Tony Danza On It." Maybe you want to help a new generation embrace a beloved 80's sitcom star due to an obscure but indefatigable movement to put his likeness in unexpected places!
Or, you know, maybe you're just bored and
you don't suck at Photoshop. Either of those reasons could lead to a perfectly acceptable decision to "Put A Tony Danza On It." Just be sure to
let us know if you do.
(Intern Josh, wondering forlornly how he ended up here)
EDITOR'S NOTE: It's Josh's last day as an intern for My Damn Channel! I asked him to write up a post telling you what it was like for him this summer!
Coming into My Damn Channel as an intern I thought all I was gonna learn was how to file papers and fill out reports. Boy was I wrong! Friday will be my last day and I still haven't correctly filled out a single report. My boss is always saying that it drives him crazy how long it's taking me to get the hang of the office duties, but I can tell he's just joking. How I treasure that agonized look he gets trying so hard to hold back laughter.
What I learned though was way more valuable than any college education. I would say it was worth about $230,000, a couple hundred more than four years' tuition at Wesleyan. What I learned was the value of making the effort to gain the respect of your peers.
Before I ever set foot into that office, I had my work cut out for me. My future co-workers had already started gossiping that I only got the internship because of my family connections. After failing for three years to strike any gold, my great-great-grandfather started My Damn Channel during the California Gold Rush as a burlesque show designed to entertain entrepreneurs who had given up on trying to find gold and started companies catered to the needs of the gold miners. Grandpa Schmulie Meisel. I can't believe that was such a popular name back then — Grandpa.
My first day at work the guy sharing my cubicle got mad at me for unplugging his computer. "What do you need a blender for?!" he irrationally snarled. "How else are you gonna make computer smoothies silly? By hand?!" I chucked his computer into my oversized blender. He must've thought I was awfully spoiled, not making my computer smoothies by hand. I really had an uphill battle ahead of me if I wanted to gain anyone's respect.
A couple of days in I got the courage to pitch a show idea to the head of development. It was a parody of "Friends" called "Friends." He looked at me like I was an idiot. "You just handed me a bunch of "Friends" scripts. I think I know now why the printer's out of ink. Look, why don't you hold off for a bit before you make any more pitches." Apparently my scripts had gone right over his head. And "Friends" was a pretty accessible show. The guy I shared my cubicle was a rube, our head of development was dense as a neutron star, and my boss was an incorrigible prankster. My situation was less than ideal to say the least.
Halfway through the summer things had only gotten worse. I was miserable. My only friend was the janitor, and he was a Roomba! I'd cry myself to sleep every night, and when I wasn't feeling that sad I would get my butler to cry me to sleep. My job was a major disappointment. It wasn't at all like that show "The Office." We had TWO guys named Dwight, and the prettiest girl wasn't dating the most handsome guy (me), but instead this guy Jim who's so inexperienced with women that when I asked him to share some girlie stories he just laughed.
All I could do was trudge along until my five weeks were up, filing away papers wherever I could cram them (I may not get the job done pretty, but I'm damn fast). And just when I had given up on ever gaining a single ounce of respect from any My Damn Channel employee, a stroke of luck bolted me right in the face.
I'll always remember it like it was yesterday, even though it was only yesterday today. Jim's girlfriend (I think her name was Xamela) told him he needed to go somewhere to sign some forms. She couldn't give him a ride because she was busy. He asked if anyone else could take him, and I shot out of my chair like I was sitting on a lit match (which for the one of the first times I wasn't). Jim didn't see me at first; his eyes scanned the room for someone to drive him but everyone pretended to be hard at work because they were too lazy to take him. Finally he saw me and said "Fine let's go Josh." And fine it was. Everyone looked up at Jim and smiled at him. Their smiles seemed to say, "I'm really happy for you that you get to go on a fun/crazy/cool ride with Josh." But the smiles had a little menace behind them that signified jealousy.
When I got back my boss laughed with mirth, patted me on the back, and said, "Good job sonny." All I ever wanted was for my boss to think of me as a son, but life isn't easy. I had to put in my time to get what I wanted — let's just say I don't think I could've earned the luxury of being treated by my boss like his own flesh and blood if I hadn't given Jim that ride. And now, in these last couple of months before my summer ends and I have to go back to hitting the books trying to eventually earn my GED, I can look back at my time at My Damn Channel atop my pool float, computer smoothie in hand, and know that that one lesson I learned was well worth all my trifles. Plus it helped that I was making more than the rest of the office combined.
Thanks, Josh, er, Sonny! We will miss you! We know it will be tough going back to Stanford to get a world-class education, but it's better you than us!
We fully intend to continue stalking following you and your writing as @artsypriest and as a writer for The Stanford Chaparral.
PS: If any of you, dear readers, for some strange, maddening reason, would like to be an intern for My Damn Channel, please send an email to info@MyDamnChannel.com, and be sure to include links to your blog, Twitter and Tumblr accounts, or any other writing samples you might have! In the immortal words of the Jersey Shore kids in Italy, "Arrivederci, summer!"
We don't want to brag, but, uh, well, the guy in this picture recommending on his Facebook Page that you check out The Worst Generation is none other than The Artist Formerly Known as "Chunk" from The Goonies.
And even though he's now a big, fancy lawyer in LA, we'll always have a soft spot for The Truffle Shuffle.
If you knew that your best friend/boss/dog had an audition for a Jack Black movie, you would choose immediately to:
A) Stay up all night helping your best friend/boss/dog learn his lines and doing the best Jack Black impersonation you could so your best friend/boss/dog won't be too starstruck when meeting him.
B) Stay up all night discussing how much you hate this new incarnation of Jack Black and you miss all the old "Tenacious D" stuff and then ask your best friend/boss/dog if maybe he could get Jack Black to sign one of your old "Tenacious D" CD's because-- of course-- you still have CD's.
C) Stay up all night throwing your best friend/boss/dog the most righteous party.
The answer is obvious, isn't it? Watch the episode and see how obvious it is.
And put those Tenacious D CD's away. And don't ever show them to a girl. Seriously.
(L-R: Mitch, Thomas, Jim)
Editor's Note: Today we have guest bloggers! The Worst Generation is our newest series and we thought it might be nice for you to get to know its stars a little more intimately, so here they are:
So, My Damn Channel wants us to do some type of blog thingy to kinda introduce ourselves to the people of the internet. Since we don't have any actual "fan mail" (or even "fans" for that matter), I've ripped off a few questions from a Justin Bieber fan site for us to answer. Answer these bad boys and any other questions you can think of to get this bad boy rollin'.
+++++++++++++++++++
If your house was on fire and you could only take one thing with you what would it be?
- Roxy, 13, Detroit
JIM: Hi Roxy. Thanks for watching. I'd probably have to grab my amazing-incredible-pornography box, a.k.a. my computer. Either that or my collection of Simpsons action figures.
THOMAS: Bauer, he's the only hope any of us have for success. And you're an idiot Jim the question clearly stated one thing that you would take and you clearly listed two.
JIM: I get nervous talking to people from Detroit. She probably just wants to steal our stuff.
MITCH: My depression pills.
Where do you get your best love advice?
- Lonely in Little Rock
MITCH: My dad once told me. "never take home the three legged dog from the pound just because you feel sorry for it." That made since when I was 9 and it still does to this day.
JIM: I've tried it all; tarot cards, gypsy palm readings, fortune cookies, magic 8 balls... and I found the best place for you to get your love advise... is from inside your heart :)
THOMAS: I just watch what Mitch does, and it teaches me exactly what NOT to do as far as love is concerned.
If you could have dinner with 3 people, dead or alive, who would it be?
THOMAS: I don't really care as long as those three people are buying. And it better be some gourmet shit, if I have to go listen to three other people bore me to death I don't want to do it over a Big Mac and fries.
MITCH: Bo Jackson, The Pope, and Dennis Rodman
JIM: Wow Mitch, what are the odds of the Pope even responding to that evite? I'm going with Jenna Jameson, Pamela Anderson and Angelina Jolie. In their primes. Next question.
How does it feel to be mobbed by screaming girls?
JIM: You get used to it.
THOMAS: Feels normal, they've been doing it my whole life.
MITCH: Sometimes, I don't feel worthy of it all. Other times, it gets annoying having to hear all the jibber-jabber that comes along with it.
Describe your dream girl.
MITCH: I hear your dream girl is actually a version of your mother. So probably an annoying old bitch.
JIM: My dream girl is funny, smart, nice smile, pretty eyes, caring of others, and got an ass so big you can see it from the front.
THOMAS: Depends on my mood. And the season.
What would a fan have to do to date you?
THOMAS: Tell me their daddy was Steven Spielberg, Ron Howard, Jerry Bruckheimer or any such type of person, so that I can leave these clowns of TWG behind and get started on my life doing something that is actually worth a shit.
JIM: Be 18 years old and have a vagina. A trust fund wouldn't hurt either.
MITCH: Have you ever heard of a ballcuzzi?
Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
JIM: Hopefully off of unemployment and out of my parents' basement.
MITCH: Cute cottage near the sea with roommates that make me breakfast and flush the toilet once in a while... or unemployed in my parents basement.
THOMAS: Dating Spielberg's daughter.
How do you deal with all the haters out there?
MITCH: I always carry a butterfly knife I got in Baja. Can't hate when you're getting stabbed.
THOMAS: In the words of Tupac: " Fuck it. I feel like I shine. And I don't give a fuck how many white people, the Media, black people, playa haters, police, whoever, try to darken my shine, Im'a always shine through. "
JIM: Uhhhhh wait what?
What would you do if all the fame went away tomorrow?
JIM: If all of this fame was suddenly taken away from me, I'd probably blow my head off.
MITCH: It would be a long way to fall, but I'm sure I could still pull ass so who cares.
THOMAS: Be excited that I'd never have to answer stupid questions like these again. Is this really what you want us to do Jimmy? Whataya' stupid or something?
How would you describe your style?
THOMAS: Lazy
JIM: Oh I dunno, maybe rural-chic with an urban twist.
MITCH: Commando, Ballistic, and Fresh.
How do you maintain such a hot body?
THOMAS: Layers and no AC.
MITCH: Commitment to Excellence.
JIM: More like commitment to purging after every meal. I usually lift like 8 hours a day, 6 days a week.
Editor: Uh, thanks, guys! We'll all be watching you and Bauer every Tuesday at www.MyDamnChannel.com/TheWorstGeneration! And following you on Twitter at @TheWorstGen! And on Facebook at Facebook.com/TheWorstGeneration!
Otherwise we'll be avoiding Mitch and his butterfly knife.
We're premiering a new series tomorrow and this little guy is the star!
We put his picture up on our Facebook page this morning and as of this writing 29 people have "liked" him and nine different ladies have written some iteration of "AWWWWW. SCHMOOPY. I WANNA HUG HIM AND SQUEEZE HIM AND CALL HIM GEORGE! HE'S SO CUUUUUUUTE!" in the comments!
This series is going to go over super-well. We can feel it.
Posted in
Matt Warren with tags
jason sudeikis,
hall pass,
owen wilson,
david wain,
wainy days,
snl on 3/4/2011 7:38:22 AM by Matt Warren
The new Farrelley Bros. comedy Hall Pass was the #1 movie in the country last week, and much of the credit can be placed on the broad, heartland-handsome shoulders of co-star Jason Sudeikis. Not surprising, as the man’s talents are legion: one-time Blue Man Group wannabe, dater of Hollywood starlets, George Wendt’s nephew, etc. And don’t sleep on SNL, where he portrays a wide variety of characters ranging from the pathetic to the nettlesome, including one-half of both Jon Bovi, the world’s worst Bon Jovi tribute band, and the titular “Two A-Holes.”
But by far, Sudeikis’s most daunting role to date has been as none other than our very own David Wain, wherein attacks the role of My Damn Channel’s favorite lovelorn man-child with the kind of method intensity not seen since Ben Kingsley cinched up his cloth diaper to play mankind’s other great savior, Mahatma Ghandi. Maybe this Believer article was the key to his research. Then again, maybe there’s a little David Wain in all of us (gross).
The Winners of the My Damn Channel Third Birthday 3Some Video Challenge!
Grace has done a special Winners Vlog, but for those of you who hate watching online video, here's a list:
3rd Place: Three's A Crowd submitted by Ray Holleb
2nd Place: Who My Daddy is? submitted by Mr. Jotz aka Joshua Nicholson
1st Place: The Piña Colada Song submitted by Frank Bullington, Chance McClain and Kevin Ryan
Congratulations to all of our winners, and huge thanks to everyone who submitted a video! You're all winners in our book. It's just that some of you will receive actual prizes as proof that you're winners and some of you will not.
*Wil Wheaton does not endorse this contest as he probably had no idea it was going on. Original image badly photoshopped by me via w00tstock.
My Damn Channel is 3 years old today.
Punk was still a baby when this photo was taken. Nixon is looming in the background. He's pointing the finger!
The pic is taken during a time called "college radio" before consultants sucked freedom out of the souls of rock radio madmen and mystical women who turned us onto music completely capable of changing and defining our lives.
I first met Harry Shearer that year. I chased rock dreams through radio, television and film - and called Harry in late 2006, with the idea to start a then-unnamed business which became My Damn Channel. I called Don Was. I called David Wain.
We launched My Damn Channel exactly 3 years ago, on July 31, 2007.
We give artists we love, trust and respect all the tools they need to skip over stone walls of multi-national media empires and create video delivered directly to you.
We've never been stupid enough to think www.MyDamnChannel.com would be the most visited online destination in the world. But we built a home base big and bad enough for every creator to have their own channel and we built a massive distribution network to move video onto every digital platform where we can make a solid business deal to support the work. The good shit ain't free.
We built a business driven by advertising, licensing and the certainty that we can bring you talent and content in special events later this year - worthy of a buck or two from you to support the art. Crazy, right?
Artists like Illeana Douglas prove that companies like IKEA can connect in a whole new way with millions of people watching millions of videos every hour. Illeana birthed a baby called "Easy to Assemble," which Ad Age dubbed "the most-watched sponsored web show."
We survived the world's worst economy and found our way to success because YOU watch and share our videos. THANK YOU.
We have artists that trust us to respect their art. THANK YOU.
We have sponsors and business partners who believe that we can deliver the good shit and guarantee millions of eyes on it all. THANK YOU.
We have backers who put their faith and coin into a vision for a new show business as powerful today as television was in the 50's. YOU GET IT! THANK YOU!
We have a man named Warren Chao, our Co-Founder and Chief Operating Officer, who knew how to stop us from avoiding most of the mistakes baby companies make to screw it all up. Warren: I've never known a single human being as smart, dedicated and effective inside a company as you. THANK YOU.
Biggest thanks to our families for not killing us when the hill seemed to high to climb!
RESPECT and THANKS to every one of you who have spent a day inside our small, evolving staff of rebels and business partners.
(Keep an eye out for your party invite!)
We start year four today. Documented in "the world's longest press release" here - with all our new channels for your immediate inspection.
One more major announcement is coming out in days to prove that you'll still have My Damn Channel to kick around for years to come.
F Nixon.
That new Harry Shearer video, Deaf Boys, premiered today. And the worst part of it, the VERY WORST PART of it, is that the song has been stuck in my head ALL. WEEK. LONG. I catch myself humming it at odd times of day, and when someone asks me what I'm singing I get so freaked out that I LIE ABOUT IT. I mean, it's about the Catholic Church scandal...and priests and young boys...and I don't need anyone to think I'm weirder than they already do, so I LIE ABOUT THE SONG.
It's pretty much like Harry Shearer made me sin. So, I start thinking I should go to confession, right? Ask for forgiveness and all? But "confession" just reminds me of that song by Usher: the one that's all about Chili from TLC, but Usher keeps saying it isn't? So, now, because of Harry Shearer's Deaf Boys I have that stupid Usher song in my head. And for that, Harry Shearer, I don't know if I can forgive you.