Subway Fresh Artists Featured Filmmakers Returns!

You know when you have an emotion so powerful inside you that the only way to express it is to break out in song?  I do that a lot, and you know what?  Nobody around me is happy.  I sing about as well as I dance.  And this dog dances better than I do.

Lucky for you, my voice had absolutely nothing to do with “Frat House: The Musical,” an awesome new web series that just happens to be one of the winners of this year’s “Subway Fresh Artists™ Featured Filmmakers” competition!

 

Filmmaking students at USC and NYU—two of the top film schools in America—submitted short films for consideration.  Two teams from each school won the top prizes, which means their series are getting the star treatment!

 

First up is “Frat House The Musical,” the story of a plucky college freshman with pipes of gold and abs of steel. 

 

He wants nothing more than to join his father’s fraternity.  Sadly, the Sigma frat doesn’t want him… until they realize they need him to survive.  Drama!  Dancing!  Singing!  Subway!  What more could you ask for?

For you to watch it.

 

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Be our social media intern.

This is his "excited" face.

Meet Matt The Intern.

Look at how excited Matt The Intern is to be one of the very first people holding the brand-new Wainy Days DVD.

If you were our intern you would be as lucky as he is, too. In FACT, today IS your lucky day because we need social media and graphics interns.

Here's the deal:

• *We are located in New York City, so you must be, too. Or you must be willing at least to commute into New York City on a regular basis.
• *You can receive college credit! If this is of interest to you we can do this... however...
• *Being a student is not a prerequisite. Just know that.

Here are the skills we're looking for:

• *You should be familiar with our content. Some of it. All of it. Take your pick. But you should know something about us.
• *You should have strong writing skills. Please send us links to your Twitter and Tumblr and blog. But not your Pinterest. We don't care about that...YET.
• *You should have basic Photoshop and HTML skills. Have you ever created an image for a meme? Have you posted said image to your blog without the benefit of a blog editor? Do you sometimes wish you could just hold up an animated gif in real-life situations? Fantastic. You're who we want.
• *Basic Final Cut Pro or other video editing skills are wonderful and we could definitely figure out how to use your skills effectively and creatively, but they are not necessary.

Here's what you'd be doing:

• *Hanging out on Tumblr all day.
• *Creating gifs of our content.
• *Helping us think of hashtags.
• *Photoshopping Mary Lynn Rajskub's head onto Jeremy Lin's body just because we think saying "Mary Lynn-sanity" is funny.
• *Helping to optimize all of our social media outlets aesthetically and strategically.
• *Not all of it is fun. Sometimes there is data entry. Sometimes there is heavy lifting. Sometimes there is a coffee run that needs running.

BUT you would definitely get a Wainy Days DVD. Well, probably.

Please send all inquiries to Maria [at] MyDamnChannel [dot] com.

Thanks! And may the odds be ever in your favor! (But not in a BAD Hunger Games sort of way!)

(PS: We have several videos starring Elizabeth Banks!)

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It's WAINing again - Wainy Days shoots Season 5

Ken Marino, Jon Stern, Rob Barnett, David Wain

WAINY DAYS first launched on day 1 of My Damn Channel: 7/31/07. David and I knew each other a lil bit from the salad daze at MTV. He saw the future when he and the Michaels created STELLA shorts...back when it took a year and half to buffer a 3-minute clip.

I promised David he could do the original series he wanted without the typical network interruptus, "notes" and meddling. We'd deliver cash, massive promotion and distribution to reach his fans and make WAINY DAYS the premiere series of our (almost) TV network of the future.

David pitched a show where his character would make out with the hottest women in Hollywood and have every date go horribly wrong. I said 'yes.' We locked the right price for the first season of 10 episodes. And I asked David to promise to cast this show as well as he casted his latest feature film back then, THE TEN.

32 official episodes, 4 years, and 4 seasons later, you've watched and shared WAINY DAYS to make it the longest-running, most-popular comedy series in the new world.

This week, we're filming an all-new season 5 with another killer cast including David & Ken Marino, who co-wrote the new episodes and Exec Produces with David & our beloved series producer, Jon Stern. This year's cast also features Steven Weber, Zandy Hartig, Jorma Taccone, Erinn Hayes, Lizzy Caplan, n' more.

We have a brand new sponsor: FIAT !

We'll post more updates and pics and announce a premiere date sooner than you think.

While I have you for this too-happy-too-long post: please n'joy the trailer for David's brand new feature film: WANDERLUST - opening FEB 24 2012 !

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Steve Jobs, 1955-2011

And that's really what it is, isn't it?

We're all sitting here, staring at our iPhones in disbelief. Finding comfort in one of the tens of thousands of songs on our iPod. Searching the internet to share in the mourning en masse on our MacBooks.

After we're done here, we'll edit some videos using Final Cut Pro. While we listen to a playlist we made on iTunes. When we get hungry later, we'll use an app on our iPhone to figure out a good place nearby to eat. When we get home, we'll iChat with our parents across the country and tell them what we've been up to. Hell, even one of our most popular videos took place in an Apple Store.

For so many of us who never even met the man, we can't imagine what our lives would have been like without him.

The real brilliance of Steve Jobs's vision is that he believed we all deserved to live the lives of our dreams, and he gave us as many tangible tools as possible to try and do just that. How many of us began vlogging because we were experimenting with our iSights? How many of us became interested in telling stories because of iMovie? How many of us now see the world refracted through Steve Jobs's lens?

We're not the first to post this video, but its message bears repeating, even on days when it isn't almost painfully poignant:

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

Thanks for believing in all of us, Steve. You have to have known that you made a difference.

(Image via Jonathan Mak)

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How To Get a Free Cab Ride with Mark Malkoff

So you want to be in a video with an Internet Celebrity, huh?

Here's your chance:

1. Watch the video above.
2. Be in New York City (mostly around Manhattan) on Tuesday, September 13th.
3. Need a place to go.
4. Tell Mark Malkoff by Tweeting him at @mmalkoff where you are and where you would like to go.
5. Maybe you a get a Free Cab Ride!
6. Maybe you don't.
7. Try again. Keep tweeting @mmalkoff and try to get that free ride!
8. Follow Mark on foursquare to see if he's nearby! (Here's a hint: Your chances of getting picked up are better if he's already in your area!)
9. Follow My Damn Channel on foursquare since we will be checking in with Mark at some point during the day and handing out some My Damn Chanel swag to people who also check in at this location!
10. Wait patiently for the video to premiere here on September 28th and see if your ride made the cut!

If you don't get a free cab ride, hopefully you know how to buy a Metrocard...or may we suggest you invest in a Big Wheel?

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5 Ways To Make Yourself More Popular

WAKE UP and be more popular! Don't be like James Franco.

So you're back in school and you're bored already? Here are 5 Ways To Make Yourself More Popular.

1. Find someone to haze. It's still early in the school year, right? Your professor is probably still learning names. If you're in a class where your instructor calls attendance, just start hazing people. "Steve Guttenberg?" "More like, Steve Not-So-Gutten-To-Be-Back-In-School! YOU'VE BEEN HAZED."

2. Talk about how much you love Justin Bieber. His voice still hasn't broken so girls still see him as an asexual non-threatening type of fantasy crush, right? Also he's just, like, sooooooo CUUUUUUUTE.

3. Tell them how much you love animals. Cats, especially. Who doesn't love a pussy...CAT. Pussycat. Jeez.

4. Show your new roomies that you know how to cook. You should probably start with the Faghetti'wich: fries and spaghetti on a sandwich...so, you know, all your basic college food groups. Later, when the local sandwich shop starts selling it you can get them to name it after you.

5. Make a video for your new classmates telling them how much you love them. And how pretty you think they all are. And how you would totally have babies with them if they would let you. Because that's not creepy at all.

Good luck! Let us know if any of these things actually work to increase your popularity because then we will need to transfer to your school immediately.

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How To Be An Intern

(Intern Josh, wondering forlornly how he ended up here)

EDITOR'S NOTE: It's Josh's last day as an intern for My Damn Channel! I asked him to write up a post telling you what it was like for him this summer!


Coming into My Damn Channel as an intern I thought all I was gonna learn was how to file papers and fill out reports. Boy was I wrong! Friday will be my last day and I still haven't correctly filled out a single report. My boss is always saying that it drives him crazy how long it's taking me to get the hang of the office duties, but I can tell he's just joking. How I treasure that agonized look he gets trying so hard to hold back laughter.

What I learned though was way more valuable than any college education. I would say it was worth about $230,000, a couple hundred more than four years' tuition at Wesleyan. What I learned was the value of making the effort to gain the respect of your peers.

Before I ever set foot into that office, I had my work cut out for me. My future co-workers had already started gossiping that I only got the internship because of my family connections. After failing for three years to strike any gold, my great-great-grandfather started My Damn Channel during the California Gold Rush as a burlesque show designed to entertain entrepreneurs who had given up on trying to find gold and started companies catered to the needs of the gold miners. Grandpa Schmulie Meisel. I can't believe that was such a popular name back then — Grandpa.

My first day at work the guy sharing my cubicle got mad at me for unplugging his computer. "What do you need a blender for?!" he irrationally snarled. "How else are you gonna make computer smoothies silly? By hand?!" I chucked his computer into my oversized blender. He must've thought I was awfully spoiled, not making my computer smoothies by hand. I really had an uphill battle ahead of me if I wanted to gain anyone's respect.

A couple of days in I got the courage to pitch a show idea to the head of development. It was a parody of "Friends" called "Friends." He looked at me like I was an idiot. "You just handed me a bunch of "Friends" scripts. I think I know now why the printer's out of ink. Look, why don't you hold off for a bit before you make any more pitches." Apparently my scripts had gone right over his head. And "Friends" was a pretty accessible show. The guy I shared my cubicle was a rube, our head of development was dense as a neutron star, and my boss was an incorrigible prankster. My situation was less than ideal to say the least.

Halfway through the summer things had only gotten worse. I was miserable. My only friend was the janitor, and he was a Roomba! I'd cry myself to sleep every night, and when I wasn't feeling that sad I would get my butler to cry me to sleep. My job was a major disappointment. It wasn't at all like that show "The Office." We had TWO guys named Dwight, and the prettiest girl wasn't dating the most handsome guy (me), but instead this guy Jim who's so inexperienced with women that when I asked him to share some girlie stories he just laughed.

All I could do was trudge along until my five weeks were up, filing away papers wherever I could cram them (I may not get the job done pretty, but I'm damn fast). And just when I had given up on ever gaining a single ounce of respect from any My Damn Channel employee, a stroke of luck bolted me right in the face.

I'll always remember it like it was yesterday, even though it was only yesterday today. Jim's girlfriend (I think her name was Xamela) told him he needed to go somewhere to sign some forms. She couldn't give him a ride because she was busy. He asked if anyone else could take him, and I shot out of my chair like I was sitting on a lit match (which for the one of the first times I wasn't). Jim didn't see me at first; his eyes scanned the room for someone to drive him but everyone pretended to be hard at work because they were too lazy to take him. Finally he saw me and said "Fine let's go Josh." And fine it was. Everyone looked up at Jim and smiled at him. Their smiles seemed to say, "I'm really happy for you that you get to go on a fun/crazy/cool ride with Josh." But the smiles had a little menace behind them that signified jealousy.

When I got back my boss laughed with mirth, patted me on the back, and said, "Good job sonny." All I ever wanted was for my boss to think of me as a son, but life isn't easy. I had to put in my time to get what I wanted — let's just say I don't think I could've earned the luxury of being treated by my boss like his own flesh and blood if I hadn't given Jim that ride. And now, in these last couple of months before my summer ends and I have to go back to hitting the books trying to eventually earn my GED, I can look back at my time at My Damn Channel atop my pool float, computer smoothie in hand, and know that that one lesson I learned was well worth all my trifles. Plus it helped that I was making more than the rest of the office combined.


Thanks, Josh, er, Sonny! We will miss you! We know it will be tough going back to Stanford to get a world-class education, but it's better you than us!

We fully intend to continue stalking following you and your writing as @artsypriest and as a writer for The Stanford Chaparral.

PS: If any of you, dear readers, for some strange, maddening reason, would like to be an intern for My Damn Channel, please send an email to info@MyDamnChannel.com, and be sure to include links to your blog, Twitter and Tumblr accounts, or any other writing samples you might have! In the immortal words of the Jersey Shore kids in Italy, "Arrivederci, summer!"

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Harry Shearer says, "Touch My Junk."

Posted in Harry Shearer, Maria, Music Videos with tags TSA, airport security, TSA agent, "don't touch my junk", airport security line, security line on 2/21/2011 5:00:00 AM by Maria

Harry Shearer is angry, y'all.

Air travel used to be romantic. Boyfriends and girlfriends could drop each other off at the airport and make out until the final boarding call sounded over the intercom.  Whole families could wait at the gate for their kids to come home from college at Christmas.  Travelers used to be able to choose belts and shoes for reasons that had nothing to do with how easy they were to remove quickly in airport security lines. 

These days it's a good day if your flight takes off within three hours of its scheduled departure time.

So for every one of us who has been subjected to a random luggage screening, or forgotten to take off our earrings before going through a metal detector, or had half a bottle of water in his carry-on, or had a tube of toothpaste larger than 4 ounces... for every one of us who has had to explain an oddly-shaped item in our suitcase,  had to pay an extra $100 just to take luggage on vacation... for anyone who has embarrassed herself by forgetting that she had her phone in her back pocket when she went through the scanner, or anyone who has had an anxiety attack when a TSA agent picks your bag up off of the conveyor belt and asks, "Is this yours?"  For anyone who has ever fantasized about screaming at the family with five kids and the stroller: "JUST FOLD THE DAMN THING UP BEFORE YOU GET IN THE SECURITY LINE!"

For everyone who's mad as hell that a trip through airport security might mean an inadvertent game of rub and tickle, this song's for you: TOUCH MY JUNK!

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Mark Malkoff is More Popular Than Ever

Posted in Maria, Mark Malkoff with tags Mark Malkoff, internet addiction, technology addiction, comedian, comedy, prank, stunt, NYC, Daily Show on 9/17/2010 12:23:04 PM by Maria

So, to recap: Mark Malkoff spent 5 Days In The Bathroom to try to rid himself of his internet addiction.  This makes the internet love him more.  Behold:


















Even former former Conan and Daily Show writer Rob Kutner got in on it:



So, now we know: YOU CANNOT QUIT THE MEDIA.  THE MEDIA WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND FIND YOU WHEREVER YOU ARE EVEN IF YOU ARE IN YOUR OWN BATHROOM IN QUEENS.  And Rob Kutner, can you try to be less funny and witty when writing tweets about our videos, please?  You are making some of us look bad. 

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Mark Malkoff Will Spend Five Days in the Bathroom

Posted in Maria, Mark Malkoff, New Series with tags Mark Malkoff, comedian, Mark on AirTran, Mark Lives in Ikea, Lisa Loeb, stunt, prank, comedy on 8/23/2010 3:15:00 AM by Maria

Mark Malkoff is worn out.

Mark texts. Mark tweets. Mark emails and Facebooks and YouTubes and iPhones and does a million other brand-name things that popular culture has turned into verbs. It is a lot of work to stay connected to everyone all over the world wide web at one time, and Mark is starting to find it all a little taxing.

So he's going to check out for five days in a place where no distractions will get to him: his bathroom.

Sounds like a good idea, right?

Mark's even gong to try to be productive during his Week With No Internet. He's going to try and finish that book he's been meaning to read. He's going to learn that song he's been meaning to play. He's going to write that poem for his wife he's been meaning to write. Aw. That's sweet. And all the while, he's going to shoot footage and put it all into one awesome video, which we can all watch on his channel at MyDamnChannel.com/MarkMalkoff on September 8th.

We're pretty excited to have Mark Malkoff on our team. After all, anyone who can visit every single Starbucks in Manhattan in a single day is a friend of ours. And since he lived in a New Jersey IKEA for a week, he'd probably know better than anyone how to wield a an allen wrench. And, he knows Lisa Loeb, so, you know, bonus points:

To be honest, we're jealous. We wish that we could check out for five days. We wouldn't talk to ANYONE. Except we wouldn't do it in our bathroom. We'd do it on an island somewhere, and, okay, so MAYBE we'd talk to someone... but it would be because he was the bartender and we had to tell him what kind of wonderfully fruity drink to bring us. But other than him, no one.

Good luck, with this one, Mark.  We think you're gonna need it.

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