What's Mark Malkoff Up To?

Mark Malkoff, Camryn Manheim and Camryn Manheim's Emmy

Where's Mark Malkoff been?

Was he so exhausted from taking people on Free Cab Rides all over New York City that he's gone into hiding? Was his last vlog chronicling his adventures arm-wrestling children just too Over The Top?

Fear not. Mark is hard at work in Los Angeles putting together his next project for you: "Celebrity Sleepovers."

Make sure you visit the My Damn Channel Facebook Page where we will post photos of Mark and some of the celebs who have let him into their home.

Like Lisa Loeb:

And Ed Begley, Jr.:

... where we see the arm-wrestling thing is starting to become a recurring theme.

We'll let you know when the video is going to premiere. Until then, we hope more celebrities arm wrestle with Mark because Dan Harmon and I agree that these Over The Top jokes are never going to get old:

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YouTube and My Damn Channel: Breaking News

Today, Google made a major announcement setting the stage for new programming on YouTube. We're honored that My Damn Channel is working to create a new YouTube original channel as part of this initiative.

We launched www.MyDamnChannel.com back in 2007 - dedicated to giving the most talented people in entertainment a studio and distribution platform where they can co-create, produce and showcase the best original video programming. We've made thousands of videos and many of the most watched and awarded comedy series like “Wainy Days,” “You Suck at Photoshop,” “Horrible People,” “Daily Grace” and political satire from the great Harry Shearer. We've been supported by major advertisers who partner with us to reach engaged, loyal fans online with media campaigns and branded entertainment that break through the noise.

In addition to running our own site, we've always syndicated to other outlets and YouTube has been a powerful partner since we launched our first channel there in 2007.

In February, 2012, we’re expanding our YouTube relationship to give you MY DAMN CHANNEL LIVE: a hosted, 30-minute, weekly comedy show featuring world premieres of our original videos and series. We'll bring you stars you love and new talent too.

MY DAMN CHANNEL LIVE will also invade your screens daily with 10-minute, interactive blasts from our host. You'll see our new live show on a dedicated channel on My Damn Channel, on a new channel on YouTube, and in syndication.

We'll keep you plugged in on the birth of our new baby with fresh updates about all the artists we’re signing and the new series we’re producing from now 'til launch. I want to give HUGE thanks to everyone who's supported My Damn Channel. A few short years ago, Warren Chao and I were two crazy fools with a power point presentation and a dream. The fact that one of the most revolutionary companies in the world just tapped us for their new adventure blows us away and we're counting on all of you to be watching.

Rob Barnett
Founder/CEO, www.MyDamnChannel.com

Sizzle Reel: 2007-2011 HERE

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Looking for Grace or Molly? Well, I'm Maria.

(Stuff You're Looking For On This Blog)

You guys search for a lot of info about Daily Grace and Mememolly. And that's cool.

But I'm not Grace or Molly. Sorry. My name is Maria.

(Sorry. Not blonde.)

I am My Damn Channel's "Social Media Voice," which means I write My Damn Channel's Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook and House Blog, among other things. Yes, it's my fault that the photoshop is bad and the jokes aren't funny and no one comments. So, if you haven't figured it out by now, I'm pretty good at my job.

What other kinds of things would you like to see here? What other things would you like to know? Tell me. Let's TweetTumblFaceBlogSquare together. Leave some comments. Talk to me on Tumblr and Twitter and Facebook and stuff. I posted a picture of myself with a light switch, for God's sake. If that doesn't scream "you can talk to me" I don't know what does.

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How To Deal With An Inbox Fail

Did you survive the great YouTube inbox subscription notification blackout of 2011? We saw so many of you running through the streets wailing, ripping your clothes off and screaming, "Is there a new Daily Grace episode or isn't there?! WE DON'T KNOOOOOOOOOOOW!"

So, yeah, it was pretty terrible. Here is what you should have done:

1. Check our Facebook Page. We told you about the new Grace video AND we referenced a Celine Dion song! Does it get better than that?

2. Check our Twitter feed. We told you TWICE yesterday that there was a new Daily Grace video AND we figured out a way to relate International Talk Like a Pirate Day to Buffy! Does it get better than that?

3. Check our Tumblr. We let you know there was a new Daily Grace episode AND we reblogged this guy's epic Grace gifs. Does it get any better than that?

So the next time you need some subscription notification verification, just ask us. But nicely. Please. You guys freak us out sometime when you yell.

Oh, right... or you can just go here...

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How To Be A Vlogger: Lesson Two

(Image via)

So. You've made your first vlog and told everyone that you didn't know what you were doing.

Sweet. What's next?

Well, one tactic that especially adventurous vloggers like to do is to treat the videoblogging experience like Twitter.

Like BAD Twitter.

Like the Twitter that you're afraid of finding in your timeline so you never even log on. Like the Twitter that you used to write when you didn't know what Twitter was and you thought that Facebook was just a fad and why can't we all just go back to MySpace already?!

Like this:

And-- just like last week-- this seems to work best when you don't have anything interesting or informative to share with the audience! People love being bored to death! It's crazy how that works! Those YouTube subscriptions should just start rolling in!

If you try out any of our vlogging tips, let us know how it goes-- especially if any of them work out for you, because, frankly, that's something we can only imagine. Seriously.

Come back next week when we'll discuss how to deal with the haters...

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We Like The Sklar Brothers

(The Sklar Brothers at My Damn Channel HQ!)

We like The Sklar Brothers.

They're funny. Their podcast is reliably funny. They did a web series with us called Back On Topps, which got us as close to Yankees GM Brian Cashman as we're probably ever going to get:

And this week they put out a new album, "Hendersons & Daughters."

In fact, it's already Number One on the iTunes Comedy chart:

(You guys knocked Daniel Tosh out of the top spot! Thank goodness.)

So check it out. Buy the album. Tell them we said "Thanks for being so nice that one time you came by the office." And always make sure that you shout out loud whenever and wherever you possibly can, "HENDERSON!!!"

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Waste Time With Us In Even More Places!

We have a foursquare page!

We debuted it in stealth mode a couple of weeks ago, but we figured it would be a good time to tell everyone about its existence today since Mark Malkoff would be checking in all over New York City.

So you should follow us on foursquare. We're making lists of places you should go, curated carefully by our staff. We're giving you tips on what to do to ensure maximum fun time. And since our staff are the ones making these lists, you might even run into one of us having a drink somewhere, or just laughing really hard at with our friends.

We'll also use the page to tell you when we're doing fun things and carrying around free My Damn Channel swag to give away to our friends.

So follow us, friend us and hang out with us. Unless that restraining order is still in effect (you know who you are).

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How To Be A Vlogger: Lesson One

So you want to know how to be a vlogger.

Daily Grace is pretty good at vlogging so you think we might know a thing or two about it, right?

Fine. We're going to tell you all of our secrets. But only one at a time.

Lesson One: Let everyone know this is your very first vlog and you're not sure what to say.

Like so:

As you can see in this "My First Vlog Supercut" (courtesy our sister blog, Slacktory), telling everyone it's your first time (what?) will make you seem humble and adorable. No one likes the rookie who hits a grand slam in his first at-bat! Well, everyone pretends they like him, but inside everyone is actually seething with jealousy. So, self-deprecation is totally the way to go! Also, you now have a built-in excuse for doing a terrible job. Also, I made a baseball analogy! Whoa.

Make sure you come back next Friday for Lesson Two...

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5 Ways To Make Yourself More Popular

WAKE UP and be more popular! Don't be like James Franco.

So you're back in school and you're bored already? Here are 5 Ways To Make Yourself More Popular.

1. Find someone to haze. It's still early in the school year, right? Your professor is probably still learning names. If you're in a class where your instructor calls attendance, just start hazing people. "Steve Guttenberg?" "More like, Steve Not-So-Gutten-To-Be-Back-In-School! YOU'VE BEEN HAZED."

2. Talk about how much you love Justin Bieber. His voice still hasn't broken so girls still see him as an asexual non-threatening type of fantasy crush, right? Also he's just, like, sooooooo CUUUUUUUTE.

3. Tell them how much you love animals. Cats, especially. Who doesn't love a pussy...CAT. Pussycat. Jeez.

4. Show your new roomies that you know how to cook. You should probably start with the Faghetti'wich: fries and spaghetti on a sandwich...so, you know, all your basic college food groups. Later, when the local sandwich shop starts selling it you can get them to name it after you.

5. Make a video for your new classmates telling them how much you love them. And how pretty you think they all are. And how you would totally have babies with them if they would let you. Because that's not creepy at all.

Good luck! Let us know if any of these things actually work to increase your popularity because then we will need to transfer to your school immediately.

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How To Be An Intern

(Intern Josh, wondering forlornly how he ended up here)

EDITOR'S NOTE: It's Josh's last day as an intern for My Damn Channel! I asked him to write up a post telling you what it was like for him this summer!


Coming into My Damn Channel as an intern I thought all I was gonna learn was how to file papers and fill out reports. Boy was I wrong! Friday will be my last day and I still haven't correctly filled out a single report. My boss is always saying that it drives him crazy how long it's taking me to get the hang of the office duties, but I can tell he's just joking. How I treasure that agonized look he gets trying so hard to hold back laughter.

What I learned though was way more valuable than any college education. I would say it was worth about $230,000, a couple hundred more than four years' tuition at Wesleyan. What I learned was the value of making the effort to gain the respect of your peers.

Before I ever set foot into that office, I had my work cut out for me. My future co-workers had already started gossiping that I only got the internship because of my family connections. After failing for three years to strike any gold, my great-great-grandfather started My Damn Channel during the California Gold Rush as a burlesque show designed to entertain entrepreneurs who had given up on trying to find gold and started companies catered to the needs of the gold miners. Grandpa Schmulie Meisel. I can't believe that was such a popular name back then — Grandpa.

My first day at work the guy sharing my cubicle got mad at me for unplugging his computer. "What do you need a blender for?!" he irrationally snarled. "How else are you gonna make computer smoothies silly? By hand?!" I chucked his computer into my oversized blender. He must've thought I was awfully spoiled, not making my computer smoothies by hand. I really had an uphill battle ahead of me if I wanted to gain anyone's respect.

A couple of days in I got the courage to pitch a show idea to the head of development. It was a parody of "Friends" called "Friends." He looked at me like I was an idiot. "You just handed me a bunch of "Friends" scripts. I think I know now why the printer's out of ink. Look, why don't you hold off for a bit before you make any more pitches." Apparently my scripts had gone right over his head. And "Friends" was a pretty accessible show. The guy I shared my cubicle was a rube, our head of development was dense as a neutron star, and my boss was an incorrigible prankster. My situation was less than ideal to say the least.

Halfway through the summer things had only gotten worse. I was miserable. My only friend was the janitor, and he was a Roomba! I'd cry myself to sleep every night, and when I wasn't feeling that sad I would get my butler to cry me to sleep. My job was a major disappointment. It wasn't at all like that show "The Office." We had TWO guys named Dwight, and the prettiest girl wasn't dating the most handsome guy (me), but instead this guy Jim who's so inexperienced with women that when I asked him to share some girlie stories he just laughed.

All I could do was trudge along until my five weeks were up, filing away papers wherever I could cram them (I may not get the job done pretty, but I'm damn fast). And just when I had given up on ever gaining a single ounce of respect from any My Damn Channel employee, a stroke of luck bolted me right in the face.

I'll always remember it like it was yesterday, even though it was only yesterday today. Jim's girlfriend (I think her name was Xamela) told him he needed to go somewhere to sign some forms. She couldn't give him a ride because she was busy. He asked if anyone else could take him, and I shot out of my chair like I was sitting on a lit match (which for the one of the first times I wasn't). Jim didn't see me at first; his eyes scanned the room for someone to drive him but everyone pretended to be hard at work because they were too lazy to take him. Finally he saw me and said "Fine let's go Josh." And fine it was. Everyone looked up at Jim and smiled at him. Their smiles seemed to say, "I'm really happy for you that you get to go on a fun/crazy/cool ride with Josh." But the smiles had a little menace behind them that signified jealousy.

When I got back my boss laughed with mirth, patted me on the back, and said, "Good job sonny." All I ever wanted was for my boss to think of me as a son, but life isn't easy. I had to put in my time to get what I wanted — let's just say I don't think I could've earned the luxury of being treated by my boss like his own flesh and blood if I hadn't given Jim that ride. And now, in these last couple of months before my summer ends and I have to go back to hitting the books trying to eventually earn my GED, I can look back at my time at My Damn Channel atop my pool float, computer smoothie in hand, and know that that one lesson I learned was well worth all my trifles. Plus it helped that I was making more than the rest of the office combined.


Thanks, Josh, er, Sonny! We will miss you! We know it will be tough going back to Stanford to get a world-class education, but it's better you than us!

We fully intend to continue stalking following you and your writing as @artsypriest and as a writer for The Stanford Chaparral.

PS: If any of you, dear readers, for some strange, maddening reason, would like to be an intern for My Damn Channel, please send an email to info@MyDamnChannel.com, and be sure to include links to your blog, Twitter and Tumblr accounts, or any other writing samples you might have! In the immortal words of the Jersey Shore kids in Italy, "Arrivederci, summer!"

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