Posted in
Maria,
Mark Malkoff,
Portlandia,
You Suck at Photoshop with tags
Put A Tony Danza On It,
#PutATonyDanzaOnIt,
Put A Bird On It,
Portlandia,
You Suck At Photoshop,
Photoshop lessons,
Photoshop games,
Tony Danza,
who's the boss,
80s sitcoms,
meme,
Mark Malkoff,
"Free Cab Rides",
fun with Photoshop on 9/29/2011 7:00:00 AM by
Maria
After watching Mark Malkoff's
"Free Cab Rides" video, we were particularly struck by the part where Mark and his driver Sean decide to "Tony Danza" the cab.
Brilliant.
An ode to Tony Danza's turn in
TAXI, sure, but why not an ode to Tony Danza
in general? We're ashamed to admit that we think about
Who's The Boss? on almost a daily basis. Like, who WAS the boss? That question has boggled us since we were seven. So, we thought, let's Tony Danza some sh*t.
(Jeff Bezos "Put A Tony Danza" on the Kindle Fire!)
(Wanna make How To Make It In America a better show?
"Put A Tony Danza On It!")
Here, maybe you wanna "Put A Tony Danza On It" yourself?
Go for it! You know how on
Portlandia they
"Put A Bird On It?" Well, maybe the rest of us should
"Put A Tony Danza On It." Maybe you want to help a new generation embrace a beloved 80's sitcom star due to an obscure but indefatigable movement to put his likeness in unexpected places!
Or, you know, maybe you're just bored and
you don't suck at Photoshop. Either of those reasons could lead to a perfectly acceptable decision to "Put A Tony Danza On It." Just be sure to
let us know if you do.
(Image via)
Jonah Hill is skinny.
Perhaps you've heard? He's in a new movie called
Moneyball and he's been making the promotional rounds and we're here to tell you that the rumors are true: he's super-slimmed down.
You see, it just so happens that your
humble My Damn Channel blogger went to a professional baseball game last week and saw him in person when he threw out the first pitch:
(Image via @Athletics)
It is a very different look from his
Wainy Days role:
But just like we told our mom when she asked, "Is that the same guy from your Wainy Days show? Is he a good friend of yours or something? Should you go down to the field and say 'hi' to him?" We'll tell you the truth:
"Yes it's the same guy."
"No, we're not good friends."
"NO, MOM, WE'RE NOT GOING DOWN TO THE FIELD TO SAY 'HI.'"
But that last part was mostly just because security wouldn't let us.
(The Sklar Brothers at My Damn Channel HQ!)
We like The Sklar Brothers.
They're funny. Their
podcast is reliably funny. They did a web series with us called
Back On Topps, which got us as close to Yankees GM Brian Cashman as we're probably ever going to get:
And this week they put out a new album,
"Hendersons & Daughters."
In fact, it's already Number One on the iTunes Comedy chart:
(You guys knocked Daniel Tosh out of the top spot! Thank goodness.)
So check it out. Buy the album. Tell them we said "Thanks for being so nice that one time you came by the office." And always make sure that you shout out loud whenever and wherever you possibly can, "HENDERSON!!!"
Posted in
Daily Grace,
Maria with tags
Daily Grace,
Daily Grace How-To,
Back To School,
How To Be Popular,
5 Ways To Be More Popular,
How To Be Popular In College,
daily grace hazed,
gracehelbig,
grace helbig,
You've Been Hazed on 9/6/2011 9:45:10 AM by
Maria
WAKE UP and be more popular! Don't be like James Franco.
So you're back in school and you're bored already? Here are
5 Ways To Make Yourself More Popular.
1.
Find someone to haze. It's still early in the school year, right? Your professor is probably still learning names. If you're in a class where your instructor calls attendance, just start hazing people. "Steve Guttenberg?" "More like, Steve Not-So-Gutten-To-Be-Back-In-School! YOU'VE BEEN HAZED."
2.
Talk about how much you love Justin Bieber. His voice still hasn't broken so girls still see him as an asexual non-threatening type of fantasy crush, right? Also he's just, like, sooooooo CUUUUUUUTE.
3.
Tell them how much you love animals. Cats, especially. Who doesn't love a pussy...CAT. Pussycat. Jeez.
4.
Show your new roomies that you know how to cook. You should probably start with the
Faghetti'wich: fries and spaghetti on a sandwich...so, you know, all your basic college food groups. Later, when the local sandwich shop starts selling it you can get them to name it after you.
5.
Make a video for your new classmates telling them how much you love them. And how pretty you think they all are. And how you would totally have babies with them if they would let you. Because that's not creepy at all.
Good luck! Let us know if any of these things actually work to increase your popularity because then we will need to transfer to your school immediately.
(Intern Josh, wondering forlornly how he ended up here)
EDITOR'S NOTE: It's Josh's last day as an intern for My Damn Channel! I asked him to write up a post telling you what it was like for him this summer!
Coming into My Damn Channel as an intern I thought all I was gonna learn was how to file papers and fill out reports. Boy was I wrong! Friday will be my last day and I still haven't correctly filled out a single report. My boss is always saying that it drives him crazy how long it's taking me to get the hang of the office duties, but I can tell he's just joking. How I treasure that agonized look he gets trying so hard to hold back laughter.
What I learned though was way more valuable than any college education. I would say it was worth about $230,000, a couple hundred more than four years' tuition at Wesleyan. What I learned was the value of making the effort to gain the respect of your peers.
Before I ever set foot into that office, I had my work cut out for me. My future co-workers had already started gossiping that I only got the internship because of my family connections. After failing for three years to strike any gold, my great-great-grandfather started My Damn Channel during the California Gold Rush as a burlesque show designed to entertain entrepreneurs who had given up on trying to find gold and started companies catered to the needs of the gold miners. Grandpa Schmulie Meisel. I can't believe that was such a popular name back then — Grandpa.
My first day at work the guy sharing my cubicle got mad at me for unplugging his computer. "What do you need a blender for?!" he irrationally snarled. "How else are you gonna make computer smoothies silly? By hand?!" I chucked his computer into my oversized blender. He must've thought I was awfully spoiled, not making my computer smoothies by hand. I really had an uphill battle ahead of me if I wanted to gain anyone's respect.
A couple of days in I got the courage to pitch a show idea to the head of development. It was a parody of "Friends" called "Friends." He looked at me like I was an idiot. "You just handed me a bunch of "Friends" scripts. I think I know now why the printer's out of ink. Look, why don't you hold off for a bit before you make any more pitches." Apparently my scripts had gone right over his head. And "Friends" was a pretty accessible show. The guy I shared my cubicle was a rube, our head of development was dense as a neutron star, and my boss was an incorrigible prankster. My situation was less than ideal to say the least.
Halfway through the summer things had only gotten worse. I was miserable. My only friend was the janitor, and he was a Roomba! I'd cry myself to sleep every night, and when I wasn't feeling that sad I would get my butler to cry me to sleep. My job was a major disappointment. It wasn't at all like that show "The Office." We had TWO guys named Dwight, and the prettiest girl wasn't dating the most handsome guy (me), but instead this guy Jim who's so inexperienced with women that when I asked him to share some girlie stories he just laughed.
All I could do was trudge along until my five weeks were up, filing away papers wherever I could cram them (I may not get the job done pretty, but I'm damn fast). And just when I had given up on ever gaining a single ounce of respect from any My Damn Channel employee, a stroke of luck bolted me right in the face.
I'll always remember it like it was yesterday, even though it was only yesterday today. Jim's girlfriend (I think her name was Xamela) told him he needed to go somewhere to sign some forms. She couldn't give him a ride because she was busy. He asked if anyone else could take him, and I shot out of my chair like I was sitting on a lit match (which for the one of the first times I wasn't). Jim didn't see me at first; his eyes scanned the room for someone to drive him but everyone pretended to be hard at work because they were too lazy to take him. Finally he saw me and said "Fine let's go Josh." And fine it was. Everyone looked up at Jim and smiled at him. Their smiles seemed to say, "I'm really happy for you that you get to go on a fun/crazy/cool ride with Josh." But the smiles had a little menace behind them that signified jealousy.
When I got back my boss laughed with mirth, patted me on the back, and said, "Good job sonny." All I ever wanted was for my boss to think of me as a son, but life isn't easy. I had to put in my time to get what I wanted — let's just say I don't think I could've earned the luxury of being treated by my boss like his own flesh and blood if I hadn't given Jim that ride. And now, in these last couple of months before my summer ends and I have to go back to hitting the books trying to eventually earn my GED, I can look back at my time at My Damn Channel atop my pool float, computer smoothie in hand, and know that that one lesson I learned was well worth all my trifles. Plus it helped that I was making more than the rest of the office combined.
Thanks, Josh, er, Sonny! We will miss you! We know it will be tough going back to Stanford to get a world-class education, but it's better you than us!
We fully intend to continue stalking following you and your writing as @artsypriest and as a writer for The Stanford Chaparral.
PS: If any of you, dear readers, for some strange, maddening reason, would like to be an intern for My Damn Channel, please send an email to info@MyDamnChannel.com, and be sure to include links to your blog, Twitter and Tumblr accounts, or any other writing samples you might have! In the immortal words of the Jersey Shore kids in Italy, "Arrivederci, summer!"
Posted in
Josh Meisel,
NTSF with tags
NTSF:SD:SUV::,
Paul Scheer,
Trent Hauser,
Adult Swim,
listicle on 8/25/2011 7:51:22 PM by Josh Meisel
The Only 5 Reasons You Might Miss NTSF:SD:SUV::
1. Trent Hauser's voice brings back bad memories of Christian Bale in "The Dark Knight."
2. You're a long-time fan of "Seinfeld" reruns.
3. 12:15 a.m. only means one thing to you. Omelette Time.
4. Your remote is missing the 7.
5. You're allergic to watching NTSF:SD:SUV::.
Those are the ONLY reasons you might miss this show tonight. And we expect doctors' notes from you if you do.
If you knew that your best friend/boss/dog had an audition for a Jack Black movie, you would choose immediately to:
A) Stay up all night helping your best friend/boss/dog learn his lines and doing the best Jack Black impersonation you could so your best friend/boss/dog won't be too starstruck when meeting him.
B) Stay up all night discussing how much you hate this new incarnation of Jack Black and you miss all the old "Tenacious D" stuff and then ask your best friend/boss/dog if maybe he could get Jack Black to sign one of your old "Tenacious D" CD's because-- of course-- you still have CD's.
C) Stay up all night throwing your best friend/boss/dog the most righteous party.
The answer is obvious, isn't it? Watch the episode and see how obvious it is.
And put those Tenacious D CD's away. And don't ever show them to a girl. Seriously.
Some intrepid fans have launched an online campaign to get
Gigi and Book of Mormon star Josh Gad a hosting gig on Saturday Night Live, and we have to say, that sounds like a pretty good idea to us.
The site
Brobible says, "Gad's one of the funniest, quick-witted young actors around, and his big
frame and mop of curly hair belie his intelligence and comic timing.
The ironic part about this campaign to get him to host 'SNL,' in my
opinion, is that if he were a cast member on the show, he'd instantly
become its biggest star. Think Will Ferrell meets Chris Farley.
Seriously, he's that good, and it's apparently his lifelong dream to
appear on 'SNL.' Isn't it everyone's?"
Wow. So
LIKE the page, support the campaign, and help Josh Gad live the dream, man. Uh, we mean, "my mans."
We're still recovering from a raucous weekend in Montreal. We were there for Just For Laughs and much laughter was had, indeed.
There was an amazing speech from Marc Maron that The Comic's Comic has in its entirety:
Fearless leader/Founder/CEO Rob Barnett spoke on a bunch of panels:
We gave away a bunch of t-shirts:
And then David Wain got a bunch of his friends together and they did a live Wainy Days show:
So, you know, good times. Thanks to Jeffrey Ross, Garfunkle and Oates, CEO Rob Barnett, Rob Corddry, Zandy Hartig, Jon Stern, Reggie Watts (unpictured) and, most of all, David Wain for making Montreal a little more Wainy for one weekend.
Posted in
Coolio,
David Wain,
Maria with tags
David Wain,
Coolio,
Wainy Days,
Cookin' With Coolio,
Cooking With Coolio,
Coolio Cooking Show,
The State,
Stella,
Role Models on 8/1/2011 10:43:37 AM by
Maria
Yesterday was OUR birthday, today is the birthday of two My Damn Channel stars: David Wain and Coolio!
Did we know this when we started working with them? No!
Does this mean anything to anyone but us? No!
Are we glad that these things all seem relevant enough to put into a single blog post? Yes! Yes! A thousand times, yes!
In honor of the anniversaries of their birth, here are our (my) favorite Wainy Days and Cookin' With Coolio episodes:
"Donna"
and "Caprese Salad"
Happy Birthday to everyone who has a birthday to today-- even if you aren't a successful comedian/writer/director/cult-comedy icon or a rapper/actor/chef/juggalo!