Here Comes the Bride

If you woke up this morning with an extra spring in your step and a little bit of a glow about you, fear not.  It's not a brain tumor (probably)—you're just basking in the glorious psychic afterglow of the Royal Wedding!  I mean, like, OMG, right?

Yes, there's nothing more romantic than a photogenic young commoner being hand-selected by the Illuminati and served up on a silver platter for review and approval by the future king's cadre of clucking, hunchbacked toadies as they strum lutes and swill peasants' blood from pewter goblets.  At least that's how I presume it works.  I don't know.  I'm an American.

But regardless, My Damn Channel is using this opportunity to "say yes to the dress" and provide you with one each of the following:

Something old...

The first ever episode of 'You Suck at Photoshop.'

Something new...

The latest trailer for the new series 'Versailles,' starring Patricia Heaton.

Something borrowed...

Not ours, but still hilarious: a break dancer kicks a baby in the face.

And something blue...

Andy Milonakis's 'Red Blue.'  That works, I guess.

So say "I do" to these videos or forever hold your peace.  Also, don't forget to send the happy young couple something nice.  I'm pretty sure they're registered at Pottery Barn.

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Book of Mormon Sweepstakes

So if you're here on My Damn Channel reading this blog, then you're OBVIOUSLY in the top 1% of cultured Americans, fingers no doubt coated with ink from the latest New York Times book review, the scent of a well-aged Malbec still lingering in your nostrils from last night's upscale wine tasting.

And you're undoubtedly a lover of the finer things in life: air travel, social satire, Broadway musicals.  Lucky for you, we've rolled all of your interests into one amazing sweepstakes opportunity.  In honor of My Damn Channel's new show Gigi, we're flying one lucky winner to New York to see the new hit musical The Book of Mormon, created by Trey Parker and Matt Stone, and starring Gigi himself, Josh Gad.

So put down your Chaucer, readjust your monocle, and head on over to our Facebook page to enter for your chance to win.  And what the hell, here's the Gigi trailer again.  YOU'RE WELCOME.

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A Message From The Lost Nomads as "Gigi" Premieres

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My Damn Channel NEEDS YOU in Miami!!!

Yes, that's right: we're coming to Miami and we need you to be in one of our web series!!!

We're looking for SUPER FANS of these TV shows:


Nurse Jackie:
Are you a Nurse? A hospital employee working the nightshift? Do you think you could teach Nurse Jackie a thing or two? Are you a Nurse Jackie Super Fan?

Jersey Shore:
Do you “GTL”? Do people mistake YOU for Ed Hardy? Are you a Jersey Shore Guido and proud of it? Do you Jersey Shore?

Kendra:
Do you know where Kendra met Hank? Do you have what it takes to keep up with a Pro Football Player? Are you more of a lady than she? Are you a fan of the Kendra Show?

19 Kids and Counting:
Are you the exhausted mother of three or more? Is your family car a school bus? Do people often ask, “Do they all belong to you?” Do you believe 19 Kids and Counting is the best show EVER?

Dexter:
Are you the prodigal son of Harry and Doris? Are you smart enough to understand “The Code”? Can you tell us where Miami “buries the bodies?” Are you a Dexter SUPER FAN?

We are looking for REAL PEOPLE who are SUPER FANS of one of these reality shows to be featured in an interview series being shot in Miami Beach on January 7, 2011. DIE HARD FANS ONLY, casual viewers need not apply! We want to hear you tell us WHY you love the show. Those interested may be male or female, of any ethnic background and any age between 22 & 70. Casting will be held in the North Miami, Florida area on Tuesday, December 28. If you are available for the above dates - the 28th for a casting interview and the 7th for the shoot day - and interested in trying out for this fun job that pays $200.00 for the shoot day, please e-mail a RECENT snapshot of yourself, along with all pertinent contact information to jpinardo@mac.com.

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Time for The Temp Life!

We've been watching The Temp Life, a series about the head of a temp agency who falls from grace and has to temp his way back up the ladder, since CJP Digital Media created it in 2006 for Spherion Staffing Services. 

With the premiere of Season 5, The Temp Life becomes  the longest-running original branded entertainment web series. and we're very proud to add The Temp Life to our roster, because The Temp Life's Season 5 was written by "Legend of Neil" writers Tony Janning and Gabe Uhr, will feature guest appearances by Taryn Southern, Tony Janning and Milo Ventimiglia, and-- not least of all--  because it features some familiar faces:


Illeana Douglas as "Eve Randall"


Sandeep Parikh as "Stevie P."

 
Wilson Cleveland as "Nick 'Trouble' Chiapetta"

 
and Craig Bierko as "Eddie Chiapetta"

We won't bore you with stories of our own experiences as temps.  Like the time we worked as a typist for a religious cult that sold yoga classes.  Or the time we worked for a legal headhunter who made us cut and paste newspaper articles into scrapbooks that she could read each night when she took the subway home.  Or the time we worked as a receptionist for a major television network and wrote down in our personal contact list all the extensions for the programming executives-- you know, just in case. 

We won't tell you about all of those stories because they're not nearly as interesting as the season premiere of Season 5, which you should totally watch right now-- unless you're a temp currently on assignment, in which case: finish your work, turn in your time sheet, get your supervisor's signature and watch The Temp Life only when you're sure no one has any other work to dump on you assign you.  Trust us.

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We're casting in San Francisco RIGHT NOW!

San Francisco and Bay Area people!  My Damn Channel is casting for a BIG SHOOT in San Francisco THIS WEEK!  We want and need YOU.  Here is the breakdown:


Looking for Real People to talk about their favorite TV shows for an interview-style web series. One-day shoot in San Francisco:

1. A Fan of the reality show Hoarders (who must also be a hoarder)
2. A devoted Dexter Fan
3. A Fan of the reality show Bridezillas (who must also be a bride-to-be)
4. A Fan of the reality show Deadliest Roads (who must also be a truck driver)
5. A Fan of the reality show Little Miss Perfect (who must also be a Pageant mom)
6. A Fan of the reality show Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations (who must also be a chef)

 
Must be available for:

-Audition Monday, November 15th
-Call Backs Wednesday, November 17th
-Shoot Day Thursday, November 18th

 
Please respond with a photo and short description of yourself (pertaining to specific role).

 
Pay is $200 for the shoot day.

Please email your responses to rlcasting6@gmail.com.

If you or anyone you know fits the bill, please email us right away!

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Status Kill Premieres

Meet Denton Sparks:



He likes social networking:



Like, A LOT:



And, like a lot of us, he plays around online during work and gets distracted from his job.  The problem is, his job is to be a PROFESSIONAL ASSASSIN:



He's on the job right now, and some weird dudes totally want to kill him:



And they're totally bad guys who call Denton names:



And this guy's all, "Really, dude?  Forest mouse?"



But how can Denton focus on his job when there are so many important things happening on tweetfacester?



And so many hot girls:



Can Denton survive distraction long enough to, well, SURVIVE?



Watch the first three episodes of STATUS KILL and find out.

Status Kill was created, written and directed by Jesse Cowell, of Drawn By Pain fame.  We decided he was so talented and smart that we couldn't let him run around the internets unattached any longer, so we hired him to be our new Director of Content.

Congrats, Jesse!  And welcome!  And good job!  And get off of Facebook and Twitter now that you're sitting at a desk at My Damn Channel HQ!

PS: You should all totally get inspired by STATUS KILL and choose to "like" our Facebook page!  Here let's make it simple for you:

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Mark Malkoff Will Spend Five Days in the Bathroom

Mark Malkoff is worn out.

Mark texts. Mark tweets. Mark emails and Facebooks and YouTubes and iPhones and does a million other brand-name things that popular culture has turned into verbs. It is a lot of work to stay connected to everyone all over the world wide web at one time, and Mark is starting to find it all a little taxing.

So he's going to check out for five days in a place where no distractions will get to him: his bathroom.

Sounds like a good idea, right?

Mark's even gong to try to be productive during his Week With No Internet. He's going to try and finish that book he's been meaning to read. He's going to learn that song he's been meaning to play. He's going to write that poem for his wife he's been meaning to write. Aw. That's sweet. And all the while, he's going to shoot footage and put it all into one awesome video, which we can all watch on his channel at MyDamnChannel.com/MarkMalkoff on September 8th.

We're pretty excited to have Mark Malkoff on our team. After all, anyone who can visit every single Starbucks in Manhattan in a single day is a friend of ours. And since he lived in a New Jersey IKEA for a week, he'd probably know better than anyone how to wield a an allen wrench. And, he knows Lisa Loeb, so, you know, bonus points:



To be honest, we're jealous. We wish that we could check out for five days. We wouldn't talk to ANYONE. Except we wouldn't do it in our bathroom. We'd do it on an island somewhere, and, okay, so MAYBE we'd talk to someone... but it would be because he was the bartender and we had to tell him what kind of wonderfully fruity drink to bring us. But other than him, no one.

Good luck, with this one, Mark.  We think you're gonna need it.

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More Channels for My Damn Channel

Announcing: New Channels for My Damn Channel!

Would you like to read the longest press release ever written since it describes in detail each and every one of the shows we're launching today? 

Would you like to read it since it describes shows from pop culture performance artist Mark Malkoff, Sopranos star Will Janowitz, former MTV VJ Matt Pinfield, as well as more about our Childrens Hospital and Dinner For Schmucks channels?

So do you want to read it or what?

"YES."

Really?

"The answer is YES.  Of COURSE I would like to read the longest press release ever written.  I woke up at 6am eastern time today, waiting with bated breath for all of these big announcements of all of the new channels and shows that you've been promising me for more than  a week so YES.  JUST GIVE ME THE DAMN PRESS RELEASE ALREADY.  You're such a g**damn tease sometimes, My Damn Channel.  Next time you make a big announcement, do us all a favor and just have a live televised show on ESPN or something.  Sheesh."

Oh.

Fine.  Here.  Read it.  And stop saying "sheesh."  And, yes, we bolded the names of all the new shows for all of the TL;DR whiners out there.  Assholes.

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Name-Dropping Like It's Hot

At My Damn Channel, we like celebrities and we like hilarious things.  

And then we realized... there are CELEBRITIES who like celebrities and hilarious things.  If we could get celebrities like MacGruber and SNL stars Will Forte and Kristen Wiig to read, say, the ridiculous AUTOBIOGRAPHIES of celebrities like Tommy Lee and Tiger Woods, it would probably be AWESOME. 

Then we met a man named Eugene Pack and he made all of our celebrity dreams come true.

Witness the celebrity trailer now.

And we were right.  It is celebrity awesome and celebrity hilarious.  New celebrity episodes will be on My Damn Channel every Wednesday beginning May 19th. 

Thank you.  You're welcome.  Celebrity. 

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