Do you dream of the perfect body? Do you lay in bed surrounded by the detritus of your junk food addiction, fantasizing about peeling off your too-tight, slightly wet T-shirt to reveal a glistening, tanned torso sculpted to Wahlbergian perfection? Do you pine for abs so flawless that the Situation himself would throw himself under the nearest party bus at the mere sight of them? The answer, of course, is yes. We all do. And we all want it to happen RIGHT NOW.
But is it really possible to go from abpocalypse to abparadise in a mere thirty days? Well, My Damn Channel's resident sociologist/trickster god Mark Malkoff has done EXACTLY THAT, going from flab to fab in record time in this two-part video experiment.
The secret to his success? Diet, excercise, and enough hard boiled eggs to shame even Cool Hand Luke. So let Mark school you in the art of getting stupid cut and watch. Nutritionists say that clicking "play" just once can burn up to 1,200 calories.*
*(estimated)
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Guinness World Records on 10/21/2010 1:51:34 AM by
Maria
Blogworld is the gift that keeps on giving!
While they were all in Las Vegas to do the closing keynote for Blogworld, founder/CEO Rob Barnett and Mark Malkoff made guest appearances on Adam Carolla's podcast.
Rob and Adam are old friends so naturally they talk about:
- *How they're both probably in higher demand for keynotes than Screech and Carrot Top
- *How they're probably not as in high demand as George Clooney and Brad Pitt
- *How Rob hired Adam to replace Howard Stern
- *How Penn Jillette is ridiculously tall
- *How My Damn Channel and The Adam Carolla Show are going to work together!!!
And, to that last point, we feel like this:
Mark Malkoff's segment begins around 40 minutes in, and Adam promptly calls him "Mark Mackoff." It's okay, though, they blame it on the bad handwriting of one of Adam's staff. And then they talk about:
So listen to the show now!
Or go to Adam's website to hear it!
You can even download it directly into iTunes!
Phew. That was a lot. Here, have a Rob Barnett and Adam Carolla chaser:
So, to recap: Mark Malkoff spent 5 Days In The Bathroom to try to rid himself of his internet addiction. This makes the internet love him more. Behold:
Even former former Conan and Daily Show writer Rob Kutner got in on it:
So, now we know: YOU CANNOT QUIT THE MEDIA. THE MEDIA WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND FIND YOU WHEREVER YOU ARE EVEN IF YOU ARE IN YOUR OWN BATHROOM IN QUEENS. And Rob Kutner, can you try to be less funny and witty when writing tweets about our videos, please? You are making some of us look bad.
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Poison on 9/15/2010 11:02:18 AM by
Maria
So, in Part One, we learned that the first day was pretty rough on Mark Malkoff:
This week, we learn how Mark tried to stay fit:
... learned to knit...
... and learned how to play "Every Rose Has Its Thorn"... kind of...
Watch Part Two now, and make sure you get up early on Thursday, September 16th to watch Mark Malkoff on the CBS Early Show:
UPDATE: Both Mark and his infinitely patient wife Christine will appear on The CBS Early Show on Friday, September 17th during the 8 AM hour!
This is Mark Malkoff
And this is Mark Malkoff:
And this is Mark Malkoff:
Does he look familiar? He should... because Mark Malkoff is just like you: ADDICTED TO THE INTERNET.
He decided to check into his bathroom (like, REALLY check-in, not virtually check-in on Foursquare or Facebook or Gowalla) for FIVE STRAIGHT DAYS to see if he could shake his reliance on technology and rebuild some of the attention span he lost over the last four or five years
Was he successful? Did he survive? Did he actually learn to make ramen using an electric tea kettle and the kitchen sink? Is he less of a person because he missed TMZ for a week? Find out in PART ONE then come back to My Damn Channel on September 15th to see the rest... unless you're inspired to spend a week in your own bathroom to do an Internet Detox. In which case, we'll see you on the other side, kids. See you on the other side.
Posted in
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prank on 8/26/2010 3:30:30 AM by
Maria
We told you that Mark Malkoff has decided to cure his technology addiction by staying in his bathroom for five days.
So how's he doing?
Well, Mark's wife, Christine, is manning his twitter account during the detox:
Mark has figured out how to turn his medicine cabinet into a pantry:
And Mark got a housebathroomguest when local New York NBC affiliate, WNBC via LXTV, visited to see exactly how a man spends five days in his own bathroom.
The answer? Not very comfortably.
Mark Malkoff is worn out.
Mark texts. Mark tweets. Mark emails and Facebooks and YouTubes and iPhones and does a million other brand-name things that popular culture has turned into verbs. It is a lot of work to stay connected to everyone all over the world wide web at one time, and Mark is starting to find it all a little taxing.
So he's going to check out for five days in a place where no distractions will get to him: his bathroom.
Sounds like a good idea, right?
Mark's even gong to try to be productive during his Week With No Internet. He's going to try and finish that book he's been meaning to read. He's going to learn that song he's been meaning to play. He's going to write that poem for his wife he's been meaning to write. Aw. That's sweet. And all the while, he's going to shoot footage and put it all into one awesome video, which we can all watch on his channel at
MyDamnChannel.com/MarkMalkoff on September 8th.
We're pretty excited to have Mark Malkoff on our team. After all,
anyone who can visit every single Starbucks in Manhattan in a single day is a friend of ours. And since
he lived in a New Jersey IKEA for a week, he'd probably know better than anyone how to wield a an allen wrench. And, he knows Lisa Loeb, so, you know, bonus points:
To be honest, we're jealous. We wish that we could check out for five days. We wouldn't talk to ANYONE. Except we wouldn't do it in our bathroom. We'd do it on an island somewhere, and, okay, so
MAYBE we'd talk to someone... but it would be because he was the bartender and we had to tell him what kind of wonderfully fruity drink to bring us. But other than him, no one.
Good luck, with this one, Mark. We think you're gonna need it.