Cookin' With Coolio
Episode 2: Fork Steak
Heavenly Ghettalian Garlic Bread
Ingredients:
Fork Steak
- Two 12 oz. Steak - just
some regular ass steer
- One Half Cup of Crushed Garlic
- One Medium White Onion
- Six White Mushrooms
- Assorted Bell Peppers
- Balsamic Vinegar
- Dime-bag of Seasoning Salt
- Dime-bag of Pepper
- 1 can of Beer - stay away
from lite beer
- 1 or more College Students
Heavenly Ghettalian Garlic
Bread
- French Bread
- 18 oz. Mayonnaise
- Grated Cheese - Cheddar
and Jack
- 1 Stick of Butter
- One Half Cup of Crushed Garlic
- Hot Sauce
Fork Steak Instructions:
1. Get yourself one broke-ass,
ramen eatin' College Student. Duct tape and rope optional.
2. Take two steaks and place
in a 2-quart Pyrex dish.
3. Take some crushed garlic
and rub it in. Yeah! Just rub it in.
4. Open your dime-bag of Seasoning
Salt and liberally...yes liberally...spread over your steer.
5. Take about half a dime-bag
of Pepper and sprinkle it over your cow.
6. Flip your bovine and repeat
steps 4 and 5. Are you paying attention? You better be!
7. Drizzle about a quarter
cup of Balsamic Vinegar over your cattle. Work it, but don't get any
of it on your nice flamingo shirt.
8. Hit 'em with some of those
chopped onions. You don't like onions? Then don't use them!
9. Pour a quarter can of beer
over your bull. Pound the rest. Shaka-zulu!
10. Take a mushroom and hit
up a corner. Then another. And another. Hit up all four corners and
put two on the sides.
11. Slice up your assorted
Bell Peppers and decorate your dish with yellow, red and orange. Remember,
it's all about presentation.
12. If you're ghetto and
don't have a top for your Pyrex dish, then slap some aluminum foil
on that bitch.
13. Put your dish into a pre-heated,
400 degree oven and cook for 45 minutes to 1 hour. If you can't cut
it with your fork, it ain't done.
Heavenly Ghettalian Garlic
Bread Instructions:
1. Cut your French bread down
the center. Be careful, cause your broke-ass probably ain't got any
insurance.
2. Lay them flat on their backs
on a baking sheet.
3. Slosh your Mayonnaise into
a medium size bowl.
4. Drop some cheese into the
mix. Don't be scared, toss it in. Toss it!
5. Take a melted stick of butter
and pour into your spread. Shaka!
6. Toss a half a cup of garlic
in that motha'. Zulu!
7. Pour yourself some hot sauce
up in that bitch. That's for color.
8. Spread that creamy goodness
across your bread. Come on, now. Put that shit on! Don't be cheap...you
know butter, mayonnaise and cheese don't cost nothing.
9. Put that into your oven
along with your Fork Steak. They can co-habitate until the cheese on
your bread is golden brown.
10. After eating, drop off
your well-nutritioned College Student in a dark alley or empty parking
lot. He won't mind, cause that tasted better than your momma. Shaka-zulu!